


Choreo (The day I was you, the night you were me)

by noona_in_too_deep, rmzcharizard



Series: 2minverse [3]
Category: SHINee, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: 2min - Freeform, Angst, BTSHINee, Barebacking, Canon Universe, Eventual Smut, Feelings, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Instagram references, M/M, Reconciliation, Relationship(s), Rough Sex, Senpai Notice Me, Tags Are Hard, Unrequited Love, fanboy crush, mention of suicide, taejim - Freeform, twomin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-04 18:59:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13371087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noona_in_too_deep/pseuds/noona_in_too_deep, https://archiveofourown.org/users/rmzcharizard/pseuds/rmzcharizard
Summary: If I knew how to stop, if I knew how to loveWould things have been different, you and I?The way Jimin and Taemin dance around each other is like a choreography - even though they are just friends now, that one kiss they shared is like a refrain, it will come back.(The trigger warning is just there because the story takes place shortly after Jonghyun passes away - none of the characters will die)





	1. End of a Day

**Author's Note:**

> I put a trigger warning, because the story takes place after Jonghyun passed away, so there will be mentions of him and his death, but none of the story's characters will die.
> 
> The title and quote in the summary are from Taemin’s [Day and Night](https://youtu.be/yr_OsRLDj1E). 
> 
> I‘m stuck with a different story, so I‘m resorting to one of my favorite ships ever, 2min! Originally I wanted to write a sequel chapter for [2min 2.0](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9357308/chapters/21190457), but then Jonghyun left, so I can’t really continue the old fic, instead I’m starting a new multi-chaptered work. Next chapter will be up next weekend, smut will come eventually, but not the first two chapters :)
> 
> Update: this work is being edited by the wonderful and talented [rmzcharizard](http://archiveofourown.org/users/rmzcharizard/pseuds/rmzcharizard). Thank you so much!

 

 

_Become my cozy blanket at the end of a tiring day._

{[End of a day](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2017/12/jonghyun-jonghyeon-end-day-haluui-ggeut)}

 

 

Watching dance clips has always been Jimin’s go-to if he needs to disconnect for a short while; watching a 3-minute choreography from Shaun Evaristo or Parris Goebel is like a mini-vacation to recharge his batteries when he’s close to to dropping dead from exhaustion but has to be on stage in half an hour. When a notification about a new upload from 1Million pops up, he’s probably as excited as ARMYs when they get a notification from Big Hit.

 

He always has a favorite video for a few months at a time that serves as his refuge, calming his nerves in the general uproar inside the waiting room before a performance or when he feels too high-strung to sleep, even if he knows he’ll only be able to get 3 hours of rest before the next backbreaking schedule. And more often than not, that favorite video is either a dance practice or a fancam of Taemin. The dance god Taemin, whom he used to admire from afar and whom he can now call a very good friend. Nothing is more familiar yet awe-inspiring than watching the graceful and lithe dancer’s body go through the motions that Jimin probably can copy in his sleep. Watching Taemin dance is like watching art.

 

Jimin settles in bed, pushes his earplugs in, and presses play. He focuses his eyes on Taemin, who’s clad in a sleeveless black shirt and tight black pants, as he goes through the first movements of his [_Move_](https://youtu.be/YM84OFVfnxc) performance for Seoul Fashion Week last year. It’s almost entirely a wide shot fancam, which he prefers to official dance performance videos with their fast cuts and facial close-ups. He doesn’t want to miss any step or gesture of the choreography.

 

Feeling his heartbeat evening out, Jimin takes in how Taemin seems to move slowly as if through sticky honey during the first bars before the choreography picks up force and speed yet continues so be laden with sensuality and femininity. It’s ridiculous, really. Except that it isn’t ridiculous, but really, really one of the most mesmerizing dances he has seen Taemin pull off with his habitual effortlessness. He would like to kiss choreographer Koharu Sugawara’s feet in gratitude.

 

His thoughts start drifting because he’s so tired — all the end-of-the-year award shows have taken their toll on him. He remembers meeting Koharu for the first time when he visited Taemin during practice for _Move_ and how he was completely enchanted by her intense personality and the first glimpses he caught of the dance.

 

His thoughts drift further, because now autoplay cues the music video of[ _Drip Drop_](https://youtu.be/Oz3mm3tPKfg). He remembers that when it was released, the two of them were still only casual acquaintances. Taemin probably didn’t even know who he was back then, while Jimin found himself stuck in the ‘notice-me-senpai’ cliché. Although Taemin was only two years older, Jimin really looked up to the experienced SHINee idol and maybe, but only maybe, even had a small fanboy crush on him.

 

A tiny smile plays around Jimin’s lips as he thinks back on how the two of them became closer as the year progressed, culminating in their joint dance performance for KBS Gayo Daechukjae. Now, a year later, they’re really close in their little circle of friends and see each other often — well, as often as their hectic idol schedules allow, a fact that the ones not as busy, usually Kownho or Moonkyu, love to mock.

 

But as Jimin’s thoughts drift from the past to the present, his smile freezes, and he feels the by-now familiar pang of pain in his heart when his thoughts reach that damn December 18th. Jonghyun. Jonghyun is gone, buried in the cold winter ground almost 2 weeks ago. Jimin still can’t quite wrap his brain around the fact that he’s no longer and will never again be as alive and kind, radiating smiles and positivity, as the last time he saw him during Taemin’s solo concert in late August.

 

Inevitably, when his thoughts revolve around his own feeling of loss, he thinks of Taemin. It pains him even more just to imagine how he must be feeling. It hurts too much, so he switches off the video; he has been unable to watch any dance videos of his friend for the past two weeks because it hurts to much. He wonders if Taemin is doing alright, at least as far as anyone can be alright in this situation. He hasn’t seen his friend since he paid his respects at the funeral parlor and hugged a very pale, very rigid Taemin who was outside visibly trying his best not to break down, as dozens of reporters were camping outside.

 

Jimin sighs deeply and snuggles under the covers, the soft warmth being a tiny comfort to his weary mind. His phone vibrates.

 

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

 **Taem** _00:48_

Jimin-ah, still awake? Wanna come over?

 

 **Jiminie** _00:51_

How are you? Sure, I’m on my way.

 

 **Taem** _00:51_

Thanks

 

In the taxi on the way to Taemin’s home, Jimin worries. As always, he worries too much. Worries about what state Taemin is. Worries about what to say. Worries he’ll say the wrong thing and make him hurt even more. What is he supposed to say to a friend who lost someone as close as a brother in such a tragic way? Is he supposed to console him, tell him everything will be alright even though it sounds so flat, so generic? Is he supposed to cheer him up? Distract him? There are so many ways he can fuck up, and it scares him.

 

Biting down on his lip as he waits for Taemin to pick up the phone, he holds on tight to the convenience store bag filled with snacks he bought on the way; he figured snacks are a safe thing to take, since eating is always good.

 

“Oh, Jimin-ah.”

 

“Hyung. Open the door for me? I’m in front. I just didn’t want to ring the bell in case your parents are sleeping already.”

 

“OK. Yeah, they went to bed early...”

 

The door buzzes, and Jimin walks through the gate onto the fancy Cheongdam-dong building complex where Taemin bought a sprawling apartment big enough for his parents and him to live comfortably and have privacy, even when they have guests over. Taemin greets him at the door with a shy smile, toned down a few degrees from his usual brightness, but a smile nonetheless. It makes Jimin feel relieved.

 

The two young men hug, and Jimin holds out the bag filled with snacks like a peace offering, as he suddenly feels awkward.

 

“Here. I didn’t know what you’d like, so I brought honey butter chips, ice cream, candy, and chocolate.”

 

Taemin also seems slightly flustered as he takes the bag, but then again, this is Taemin; it’s his trademark to seem awkward and smile widely and boyishly. Jimin knows it’s his automatic standard facade in public when he doesn’t want to divulge his real feelings, so Jimin is glad that his hyung drops the false front once they sit side by side on the cozy living room couch.

 

“So, Hyung... how have you been?” Jimin asks with a lingering tinge of nervousness.

 

The black haired boy’s lips turn upwards into a small, sad smile as he looks at the younger. “It’s been hard, Jimin-ah. It _is_ hard. I don’t know... it’s just...”

 

Taemin seems to be looking for the right words, so Jimin waits for him to go on, but the look of vulnerability on his face makes him want to sweep him up in a tight hug. Then Taemin blinks once and switches his smile back on, continuing in a light tone.

 

“But I don’t want to burden you with that. Let’s just watch TV together. Keep me company, hm?”

 

“Sure, Hyung, whatever you want.” _Did that sound weird?_ Jimin wonders, so he adds, “But hyung, just know... when you want to talk, I’m here for you. Anytime.”

 

“Thanks. Really. But right now, talking is the thing I wanna do least. I’m sorry if it was selfish of me to call you, but I can’t sleep, and I don’t want to be alone. So can we just not talk and watch TV together quietly?”

 

While Jimin listens to the surprisingly honest words rapid-firing out of Taemin’s mouth, he notices how hard Taemin tries to keep the smile up — the smile doesn’t reach his eyes, which are getting moist, so Jimin speaks again reassuringly.

 

“Sure, sure. And Hyung? I’m glad you called me. Call me anytime you want to hang out.”

 

The elder just nods in reply, and when they both turn their attention to the TV, a random re-run of Running Man flickering on the screen, Taemin lets his face drop finally. He’s unaware that Jimin watches him out of the corner of his eye. And Jimin worries. Again. He’s uneasy that Taemin feels the need to flash his facade in front of him. Among friends there shouldn’t be any need to keep up appearances.

 

As the jokes between Yoo Jae Suk and Lee Kwangsoo bounce back and forth, Taemin sinks into the cushions more comfortably as he munches on the honey butter chips, so Jimin feels himself relaxing more. Actually, he’s even a bit relieved that they don’t talk, because he wouldn’t have known how to console his hyung. Also, he really understands it, how sometimes people just don’t feel like talking, and that was fine with him.

 

Not long after the bag of chips is gone, Taemin yawns and stretches like a cat. Then, in one swift motion, he lifts his legs onto the couch and lies down, using Jimin’s thighs as a pillow. He wriggles around a little until he’s comfortable and hums in content. The blonde is slightly startled, but by hearing the little him, he easily lets his hand rest on the other’s arm, rubbing soft, reassuring circles into his shoulders before soothingly patting his silky hair.

 

Apparently, this is the right thing to do, just being there for his hyung like a quiet reassurance. Taemin falls asleep in no time, chest rising and falling evenly, face soft and peaceful. Jimin sighs, and he feels warm inside with affection for his friend and the sincere wish to be able to lift some of the heaviness off his shoulders.

 

*********

 

Taemin wakes up slowly. His neck hurts, and it’s too bright. _Awww, I fell asleep on the couch again, that’s it,_ he thinks to himself. He also notices that he’s not alone and that it’s not his mother, Jongin, or Kwonho sleeping next to him, but Park Jimin. Sweet Jiminie, who came to keep him company in the middle of the night, and who sleeps so cutely with his puffy cheek squished against the sofa rest. A friend he can count on.

 

As he stirs, his mother peeks her head into the room and brightly chirps, “Good morning!”, effectively waking Jimin up and earning herself some furious pantomime gestures from Taemin that she should be quiet. Jimin blinks at Taemin playing the mime, and he giggles while rubbing his eyes. He sees his mom take a curious peek at him.

 

“Jimin-ssi, good morning. Sorry for waking you. You boys want to have breakfast?”

 

“Mom, you can’t just wake a member of the world’s hottest boy band up like that. He needs his beauty sleep,” Taemin good-humoredly jokes.

 

Rolling their stiff joints from sleeping on the sofa and combing their fingers through their disheveled bangs, the two of them trudge into the dining room. They plop down at the table and immediately digging into Mrs. Lee’s homemade food. It has been a while since Jimin has had a delicious family breakfast like this, so he and Mrs. Lee just make light conversation with Jimin praising her cooking and her enquiring about the whereabouts of BTS these days. Taemin eats quietly most of the time, but he sometimes chimes in when he thinks Jimin understates Bangtan Sonyeondan so he can praise their successes and achievements this year, like their recent trip to the US for talk show appearances.

 

“Thank you, Jimin. Really,” Taemin says when Jimin has to leave after breakfast.

 

“No need to thank me, Hyung. My neck is killing me after sleeping on that couch, but the breakfast was worth the pain,” Jimin jokingly recounts, and he enjoys how an easy smile flashes across Taemin’s face.

 

“Let’s hang out soon again. Should I set up a dinner with the guys? Or do you want to come play video games at the dorm?” Jimin asks.

 

“No, that’s OK, thanks. I don’t really feel like socializing yet. But feel free to drop by any time.”

 

“OK, sure. But really, let me know if you need anything or if you want to... I don’t know... go to the movies or play pool. Or if you just want to hang out. Just let me know, and I’m here.”

 

The sincerity sparkles in Jimin’s eyes and makes Taemin feel warm. It feels good to know he has Jimin’s support, so he nods with a meek smile before waving goodbye.

 

*******

 

Two days later, history repeats, and Taemin asks Jimin to come over. It’s not as late at night, though, so the two of them play video games on the big TV in the living room. This proves to be an excellent distraction for Taemin, because both of them are so invested in the game with loud cheers or cusses echoing off the wall that they completely lose track of time. It isn't until Mrs. Lee wanders in in her bathrobe and asks them to keep the noise down because she and her husband want to sleep that they finally stop.

 

Taemin rubs his neck sheepishly. “So let’s save the score for next time.”

 

“Yeah. It’s late, I should get going now.”

 

“Do you have to? Let’s watch TV for a little while in my room.”

 

“Ah, Hyung, I have a company meeting tomorrow morning...” Jimin counters hesitantly.

 

“Please? Just a bit. I don’t think I can sleep just yet, and I don’t really want to be alone.”

 

The pleading way Taemin looks at him crumbles every resolve in no time, because who is he to deny Taemin anything right now? They settle on the small couch, and Taemin gets excited to see that Studio Ghibli’s “Spirited Away” is running on TV. He snuggles up to Jimin and rests his head on the younger’s shoulder, intertwining their fingers.

 

It doesn’t strike Jimin as strange that his hyung is more touchy than usual, because he’s a touchy person with the people he likes to begin with. So it’s perfectly normal that Taemin lays his head on his lap again, and Jimin starts to pat his head absentmindedly again, because he’s really sleepy today. It feels comfortable when Taemin sneaks an arm around his waist, and then it’s Jimin who drifts off to sleep first.

 

Jimin is woken by the elder gently shaking his shoulder. He sits up with a grunt, as his neck protested from being stretched at a weird angle.

 

“Sorry to wake you, but you didn't look like you were sleeping comfortably. Let’s sleep on the bed, hm?” Taemin softly asks as he lightly tugs on the younger’s wrist.

 

Jimin is still in a daze, so he obediently follows his hyung over to the bed and wraps an arm around him when the dark haired boy cozies up against him, throwing an arm and a leg over his body. He is blanketed in snugness and can feel Taemin breathing evenly in his sleep, but just as he is drifting off again, Jimin remembers something. Something he wants to bury in his heart and mind and never allow to surface again, because it can ruin their friendship. Suddenly, he’s too hot and breaks out into a sweat, feeling like he’s suffocating under the weight of Taemin’s limbs, the hot breeze of his breath against his skin.

 

 

Edited by [rmzcharizard](http://archiveofourown.org/users/rmzcharizard/pseuds/rmzcharizard)

 


	2. Door

_So baby don’t open the door_

_‘Cause you can never close the door_

_The forbidden door_

{[Door](https://mredwardsanders.wordpress.com/2017/07/14/lyrics-door-taemin/)}

 

Half buried under the sleep-heavy limbs of Taemin, memories flash up in Jimin‘s mind. Memories he had sworn to keep a lid on forever. Why do they have to come up now? Now that all that Taemin needed was a friend to be there for him - even if that meant curling up in bed together innocently. Jimin sighs deeply and hates himself for allowing his brain to remember:

 

It was almost exactly a year ago. Jimin joined the gang of Taemin, Jongin, Kwonho, Sungwoon and Moonkyu for a New Year‘s dinner. He remembers feeling really happy that not only Taemin and him had gotten closer during the past year, but also that Taemin included him in his little circle of friends, where he felt like a fish in the water, because all the other guys were just as friendly, open and genuine as Taemin. Soon he felt like he had known them for ages.

 

He missed having a squad in Seoul outside Big Hit, because within the company it was just not the same. With his members or the dancers or the staff any conversation was doomed to end up a cat chasing its own tail, inevitably returning to BTS or business related matters. If you only hang out with people you spend 99% of your time anyway, at some point even a friendship will feel like incest. He had one or two friends outside this circle, but it was just not the same to meet up with one person to talk over drinks as it was with a group of friends where the fresh breeze of anecdotes and ideas came not only from one Big-Hit-outsider, but 5. And were you could even be quiet for a whole evening, just listening to the others bullshit around.

 

So there was that. He had made good friends in 2016. He had gotten a lot of recognition, too, for him as a member of Bangtan as well as for him being a dancer. Part of the latter he owed to Taemin, because of their much talked-about collaboration stage for the KBS Gayo. Even if he was nervous about it, he full heartedly enjoyed the preparations for it, because he spent so much time with Taemin and got to know him better. He learned that he was kind and cheerful, always smiling and polite except with himself - he was an utter perfectionist and expected nothing short of perfection from himself, becoming his own harshest critic.

 

Jimin also found out that his way of being funny was being mischievous, drawing from a surprisingly limitless potential of devilishness. One day late at night after practice when they talked, he also learned that Taemin was into guys, not girls. The elder dropped this piece of information casually on the side of their conversation, but it stuck in Jimin‘s head like a giant, blinking billboard. Now he had to admit to himself: he _did_ have a little fanboy crush on Taemin for years - a very huge „little fanboy crush“.

 

But that was not his main problem here: a little fanboy crush never hurt anyone, because it was just a theory in your head and rarely translated into anything in the real world. His problem, however, was that he started liking the very real Taemin in front of him in a very real way. A very gay real way. Yet, his _real_ problem was that he had to admit he liked Taemin as a person, as a friend _and_ he was attracted to him in a more-than-friends way. This combination was where trouble started, because the odds for a happy end were against him, there was an infinite number of chances that things would go wrong one way or the other, the worst case scenario being loosing him as a friend.

 

Jimin wasn‘t sure whether it was a blessing or a curse that the theme for their dance collaboration was „Bromance“ as he started to dare his actions and speech around Taemin to become a little more flirtatious just days before the show - he was rewarded with Taemin playing along, even teasing him with a smile so blinding that Jimin felt his heart flutter. Their way of playfully low-key flirting culminated for everyone to see during their interview with Minho and Chanyeol just before they went of stage for their dance performance.

 

Watching the clip from their interview over and over, Jimin couldn‘t help but to find Taemin enigmatic. It was impossible to read him, whether all of this was just acting or just playing around or whether it was serious - and this uncertainty drove Jimin even more crazy. In this state he found himself after the little celebratory New Year‘s dinner with his friends:

 

After dinner, Taemin, Jongin and Jimin went to Kwonho‘s house for a last round of drinks while the other boys went home. But as it turned out that Kwonho ran out of drinks, him and Jongin went to the convenience store to buy some more, leaving Taemin and Jimin standing in the small kitchen sharing the last can of Hite between them.

 

They may have been a little bit tipsy already as they giggled, because it seemed hilarious to them that Taemin has had the hiccups ever since they stepped into the apartment. It was endearing how the dark haired boy laughed, slightly embarrassed and blushed. _Beautiful_ , Jimin thought.

 

Among giggles, Taemin placed the cold can on the counter, fingers lingering on the moist condensation. Without thinking, Jimin reached forward for the can and their fingers brushed. There was the slightest bit of a flinch from the elder, but he didn‘t move away, just regarded how Jimin spread his hand on top of his with a smile.

 

As their fingers intertwined by themselves, Jimin took a step forward, closing the gap between them. Taemin suddenly looked up and into his eyes, the smile on his plush lips looking like an invitation. He hiccupped once more and chuckled softly just as Jimin inched nearer until ever so softly connecting their lips.

 

Jimin could feel the smile against his lips. And then Taemin kissed him back, his pillowy lips feeling every bit as amazing as he might have imagined. He tilted his head and darted out his tongue, eager to taste, and when Taemin opened his mouth and allowed him in, tongues dancing, he tasted more amazing than he might have dared to imagine: on the surface there was a trace of beer and cigarettes, but the real flavor was addicting, it was like the first warm, golden-rose sunrays of the first morning of spring: homey, balmy, uplifting and welcome, oh so welcome to Jimin.

 

Just as he was about to get carried away by the kiss, Taemin moved away, gently stroking the younger‘s cheek as he looked at him with a gentle smile, but sad eyes:

 

„We can‘t do this. Not us.“

 

Jimin sighs deep once again upon remembering how his heart broke a tiny little bit back then. He sighs so deep that Taemin stirs in his sleep and turns around. Jimin also turns, facing away from Taemin, but he leaves their backs touching. _Not us_ were the ugly two words ending his hopes, because Taemin didn‘t want to start something that would distract him from his career, at the same time endangering his career if it ever came to light. The elder explained that he also didn‘t want Jimin to get distracted or risk a scandal, because he firmly believed that 2017 would be a crucial year in BTS‘ success:

 

„It‘s your time to shine now, Jimin-ah. Just focus on that, for years you worked so hard for this. Put your whole heart and energy into your music, your dance. Let‘s forget this ever happened and let‘s stay friends. Promise?“

 

„Y-yeah. OK.“

 

„Promise?“

 

„Promise.“

 

Since he had promised, Jimin had worked hard to push every little bit of attraction, every little speck that remained of his crush to the very back of his heart, sweeping the remains together like a tiny mountain of dust and locking them in a box at the very bottom of his heart. He piled all the hours of work for their WYNWA comeback and their world tour, the exhaustion from the backbreaking promotion schedule, all the hours clocked on a plane flying around the world, the joy of standing in the limelight in front of thousands of Korean and international ARMYs and the thrill of winning an American award on top of that box to weight its lid safely down. And he succeeded. They succeeded.

 

Both of them were really busy all though the year, BTS‘s international recognition skyrocketing thanks to the Billboard award so that to Jimin the whole year just seemed like a dream passing by in rapid motion. Taemin was equally busy touring with SHINee the first few months of the New Year and then preparing his solo album and his first solo concert. Jimin remembers how proud Taemin was to have those large-scale solo concerts in Tokyo and Seoul.

 

Throughout the year they didn‘t manage to see each other as often as they would have liked, but Jimin was relieved that things didn‘t turn awkward between them, they continued their friendship as if nothing had happened. And slowly Jimin really managed to forget that something _had_ happened. Tonight was the first time in a long time that he remembered. He hates himself for remembering at a time like this when all that the lovable, wonderful, delicate and so deeply hurt Taemin needs is a friend to support him. Right?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this sounds like a cliffhanger! Next chapter next weekend :)


	3. Begin

 

_I can’t stand_

_you crying_

_I want to cry instead_

{[Begin](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2016/10/bts-bangtansonyeondan-begin)}

 

 

In the morning, the alarm on Jimin‘s mobile goes off mercilessly, earning an annoyed grunt from both young men. Jimin scrambles over Taemin‘s sleepy form to reach for it, earning a whine of complaint.

 

„Sorry, hyung. I gotta go. I‘ll text you later.“

 

„Hmmm-mh.“ is all the response he gets, as Taemin squints up at him, still too sleepy to fully open his eyes.

 

Rushing out, he almost trips over Adam and Eve, whose wait in front of the bedroom door is finally over, so they transform into a flash of white and brown fur scrambling past his feet the second he opens the door. He hears Taemin cooing sleepily inside the room and chuckles on his way out, because the three of them are nothing short of adorable.

 

The day is long and keeps Jimin from remembering that particular evening he kissed a certain adorable dog owner: starting with a long meeting to finalize the setlist for next week‘s fanmeeting, Muster, followed by a lengthy dance practice and gym session followed by a company dinner, because Bang PD invited the members and the long-term staff for a New Year celebration. In between he sends Taemin a KaTalk:

 

Friday, January 6, 2018

 **Jiminie** _2:14pm_

What are you up to, hyung? The meeting is taking forever TT_TT

 

 **Taem** _2:46pm_

On my way to SM for a meeting, too. Running late lol.

 

 **Jiminie** _2:48pm_

Take care, talk to you later

 

 **Taem** _2:49pm_

OK, you too

 

Later when Jimin‘s belly is about to burst from the amount of samgyeopsal and grilled Korean beef he ate during dinner (it doesn‘t help that he‘s sitting next to Hoseok, who seemed to have made it his mission tonight to make everyone laugh hard enough to pee their pants) he feels his phone vibrate again. He‘s surprised when he sees the sender:

 

Friday, January 6, 2018

 **Jongin Exo** _11:23pm_

Hey Jimin, thanks for keeping Taemin company this week. I think he can‘t really stand being alone, so it would be good if always one of us would be around.

 

 **Jongin Exo** _11:24pm_

Also, I have a favor to ask, I‘m sorry. Taemin seems upset today and sick of seeing my face all the time, so I just left his house. Can you go over now?

 

Jimin takes a sip of water, suddenly feeling much more sober than just two minutes ago. Although the dinner is still in full swing (quite literally, because everyone at the other end of the table is currently busy drying their pants and the table, because Namjoon had knocked over a glass of beer) he doesn‘t hesitate when he types his response:

 

 **BTS Jimin** _11:26pm_

No problem at all. I‘ll be on my way in 5min

 

Then he figures he should text Taemin, too:

 

 **Jiminie** _11:28pm_

Hyung, are you home? Just finishing dinner, can I drop by?

 

 **Taem** _11:29pm_

Sure, see ya!

 

He makes his round saying goodbyes, stopping to bow to Bang PD-nim first and thanking him for the food, then trying to free himself from Taehyung‘s hug, because he doesn‘t want to let him leave just yet and whines like the giant sized puppy he is - but he lets him go and looks at him with wide, serious eyes when Jimin explains that he needs to go and check on Taemin.

 

The restaurant being in Sangsu-dong, it takes him over half an hour to get to Cheongdam-dong because of the Friday night traffic before he steps into the welcome warmth of the Lee family home. Sitting in the living room, Taemin seems focused on annoying Eve, poking his lying form with his big toe, but Eve is too good natured to do anything about it - but Jimin can see Taemin is keeping something to himself, he literally sees the gears in his head shifting behind his smooth forehead, so he asks:

 

„Hyung, why don‘t you stop molesting Eve and tell me what‘s bothering you right now?“

 

Jimin isn‘t prepared for the irked intensity in Taemin‘s eyes as he looks up at him or for the sudden tirade as fast as machine gun fire:

 

„ _Tell me what‘s bothering you_? Why is everyone treating me like walking on eggshells? It seems like all everyone wants me to do is talk - talk about how I feel, how sad I am, how miserable I am, how shitty everything is, how much I miss him, if SHINee will continue or not, if we will hold the Japan concerts or not and if we do, if we should sell his merch or not, if we should do a new promotional photoshoot just the 4 of us or if we should use the old pictures...“

 

Jimin has never seen his friend like this and has to admit a fuming Taemin is one of the scariest things he‘s seen lately, because he doesn‘t shout, he doesn‘t start to cry, he just spits out the words in a low voice, but latched with razor sharp contempt. He doesn‘t even meddle words like he uses to when he‘s agitated, which makes their knife-like edge even scarier.

 

„...what am I supposed to say, hm? Why can‘t everybody leave me the fuck alone?“

 

But the younger doesn‘t want to leave him alone, a surge of compassion washes him to Taemin‘s side and he hugs him tight. The distressed boy is so tense he‘s shaking, but Jimin‘s arms around him feel grounding, the faint lingering smell of BBQ in his hair is the first thing that feels real and right in a long time. Jimin holds him patiently until he notices him relax bit by bit in his embrace.

 

„I‘m sorry, Taemin-ah.“ Jimin mumbles into the other‘s shoulder.

 

When the elder detaches himself, Jimin catches his hand between his own, heart hurting upon seeing the beat expression on his face as Taemin says:

 

„No, I‘m sorry, Jimin-ah, I didn‘t want to snap like that... it‘s just... at the meeting today they told us we need to decide until Monday whether we want to pull through with the Japan concerts or if we need to cancel them... and I just... it just feels too surreal to make decisions like this. I just want to hide under my blanket until all of this is over.“

 

Jimin feels nauseous just thinking about being pushed into the same situation with BTS, being forced to make painful decisions like this. He lets go of Taemin‘s hand and pats it while reassuring:

 

„It‘s cruel to rush you into this decision. I‘m sorry, hyung. I‘m sorry for also pressing you to talk. You can tell my stupid mouth to shut up anytime when I talk too much. But you also know I‘m always here if you wanna talk, right?“

 

„Hm, thank you, Jimin-ah.“

 

„Now let‘s get you a blanket to crawl under and watch a movie, how does that sound?“

 

And Jimin is indefinitely relieved to earn a small chuckle from Taemin so he walks over to the bedroom to bundle up the blankets with a smile around his lips. On the way back he bumps into his hyung, who suggests:

 

„Let‘s just watch a movie in bed? We‘re both gonna fall asleep anyway, right?“

 

It‘s so cozy how they are propped up on pillows, covered to the nose in blankets with Taemin resting his head on the younger‘s shoulder that Jimin doesn‘t doubt the prediction will come true while he yawns - he‘s so tired after the dinner.

 

And he must really have dozed off, because a small movement wakes him. It takes Jimin a few seconds to situate himself: right, he fell asleep in Taemin‘s bed. The movie is still playing and Taemin seems to have fallen asleep curled up showing his back to him. But there‘s this miniscule movement in his back, his shoulders again. Is his hyung having a nightmare? Then it dawns on Jimin: Taemin is crying without making a sound.

 

The way Jimin‘s heart squeezes is painful. He wants to find a magical way to take away at least a bit of Taemin‘s torment. But all he can come up with right now is to inch closer and hug him from behind, mumbling „ _Shhhhh, it‘s OK. It‘s alright_.“ on repeat while he feels the thin body in his arms shake.

 

Taemin turns around and buries his face in the younger‘s shirt, still sobbing in complete silence, which makes him even more pitiful, because ever since joining SM, Taemin had learned how to cry without raising attention, the less people notice the better.

 

Jimin pats Taemin‘s back soothingly until he feels him breathe more and more evenly. Concentrating on his breath and lying so close he feels the heat radiate off the other, making Jimin drowsy, lulling him to sleep. But then his consciousness kicks in again, because his slumber is disturbed by a movement once more. It‘s so soft and tentative, he‘s not sure it was real or he dreamt it. But then he feels a soft pair of lips on his neck again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the last chapters turned out short and with cliffhangers... next chapter will be different and finished next weekend. Can you guess what it's time for next?


	4. Thirsty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter doesn't really need any explanation - it's just smut. Very self indulgent.

 

_It won’t be easy but I know you don’t hate it either_

_It might be a short dream but_

_Good night, come in here_

{[Thirsty](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2017/10/taemin-taemin-thirsty)}

 

 

Jimin feels his heart beat frantically against his ribcage. Is this reality or just a trick of his mind in his sleep? He feels the moist little patch on the collar of his t-shirt where Taemin had been resting his closed eyes turn cold while warm, soft lips find their way up his throat and Taemin shuffles his body closer to him.

 

He is completely taken by surprise and although this is a very pleasant kind of surprise, this is actually something that absolutely shouldn‘t be happening, so he brings some distance between their bodies and mumbles:

 

“Hyung! What are you doing? I don‘t think we should...“

 

“I know, I know. But Jimin-ah?...“

 

“Hm?“ Jimin hums questioningly, trying to make out Taemin‘s face in the relative darkness. All he sees are huge black eyes and the soft rise of milky cheekbones. But he hears the seriousness in the tone when the dark haired boy continues:

 

“Make me forget for a little while. Just for tonight.“

 

Fuck. Jimin knows that he has to say no - but he simply can‘t, because one: how could he deny this broken boy anything that might make him feel better... and two: just because Jimin locked and stored away his feelings for this beautiful man it doesn‘t mean that he is strong enough to resist temptation. Especially because here we‘re not talking about temptation the size of a coy smile over the shoulder, we‘re talking about temptation the dimension of a black hole, because they are already lying in bed together in soft, thin pajamas so Jimin can feel the heat radiating from his hyung‘s body, so solid and lean.

 

No, there is no other way for Jimin but to cave in and wrap his arms tighter around Taemin while he feels the other‘s lips on top of his. And the black hole turns out to lead to heaven: the elder‘s plush lips feel every bit as celestial as the first time he had a taste, softly coaxing him into deepening the kiss until their tongues brush and he relishes in the glory that is tasting Taemin‘s hot mouth.

 

The kiss is sweet and slow and feels like everything Jimin has ever wished for, so a beautiful smile blooms on his lips when they break the kiss for a short while just to look each other in the eyes in the darkness. He can see a sliver of white teeth and how Taemin‘s eyes crinkle ever so slightly, so he knows he‘s smiling wide, too.

 

Then Taemin rolls the younger over and climbs on top of him, straddling his hips as he pulls his shirt over his head. He doesn‘t allow Jimin time to admire the way his pale skin glows in the scarce, blue light, because he bends down immediately to catch him in another kiss, more weighty this time.

 

Jimin feels the compactness of his hyung‘s back and sides with his hands - all there is under the smooth skin is tightly packed, sinewy musculature, there‘s not a millimeter of fat to sink the pads of his fingers into. Then he senses a hand snake its way under his shirt and caresses his flanks, lifting his shirt in the process. He gets the hint and gets rid of his shirt, too.

 

But Taemin is quick in his movements just like when he dances: while Jimin is still busy with his shirt, he effectively slips out of his PJ bottoms and boxers and is tugging the younger‘s down, too, even before Jimin‘s shirt hits the floor.

 

“H-hyung, w-wait.“ the blonde mutters, but he‘s not really hindering Taemin from taking off his pants. There‘s a conflict going on between what his dick wants and some last brainpower, so he continues with protest in his voice:

 

“Shit, Taemin, wait, we‘re at your parent‘s house.“

 

“So? We‘ll just keep it down a bit, they are sleeping anyway. Or are you really loud in bed, Jimin-ah, do I need to stuff something in your mouth?“

 

The elder says this with a light chuckle, but he still sounds so sexy and illicit that Jimin‘s dick gives a twitch. But it‘s only once they are pressed together skin on skin that the last bit of reason surrenders and Jimin‘s dick claims victory over his brain as Taemin drapes his lithe body over him once more.

 

If he had been holding back a little all this time, now the hunger really has been sparked in the blonde. He pours all his longing into the kiss and the way his hands grip Taemin‘s hips and hold them tight against his groin grinding upwards, swallowing the tiny noise the other makes once their growing arousals are pressed against each other.

 

Easily flipping them over, Jimin props his weight on one elbow and traces those absolutely sinful, wide lips with the thumb of the other hand before tilting his hyung‘s chin up to connect their lips in a heated kiss. He loves how Taemin‘s breath hitches and how he wraps his arms and legs around the younger‘s body more urgently.

 

Taemin starts feeling dizzy, a pleasant kind of dizzy that finally allows no other thoughts to cloud his brain, as he is sandwiched between Jimin‘s hot, strong body and the soft mattress and he abandons himself in the profound kiss, growing more thirsty, more needy so that it steals his breath and has the blood pool in his loins.

 

Fully hard by now, also Jimin‘s breath is coming faster and the want in his stomach starts burning hotter. He latches his mouth onto his hyung‘s throat, the skin so addictingly soft and homey smelling that it makes him want to worship every centimeter of his body.

 

Littering moist kisses down his torso, stopping to appreciate his sensitive nipples with his tongue, Jimin relishes the small contented sigh he hears from Taemin as the elder gently cards his fingers through his hair.

 

The blonde can‘t see nearly enough in the relative darkness, but he can _feel_ a map of the other‘s body under his plush lips - he has _seen_ the other‘s body often enough: through a sweaty, clinging t-shirt during dance practice and of course on screen (thank god SM seems to have a thing for showing off his lean, toned torso). But now feeling it so warm and _real_ below his exploring lips and hands has a completely different dimension, it‘s all for him alone to have and venerate.

 

Thanks to all the hard work in the gym in the past 6 months Taemin is still broader and buffer than at any given Jimin has known him. But the last 3 weeks have softened the rock-hard ridges of his pecs and abs a little and Jimin can‘t help but feel a hint of possessiveness about this intimate, private knowledge he gains, because he doesn‘t have to share it with anyone else.

 

Jimin‘s thoughts are disrupted by Taemin growing impatient for things to progress quicker:

 

“Jimin-ah, please, I need your mouth on me and your fingers in me, open me up for you.“

 

This leaves the younger a little dumfounded. It‘s the first time someone asks him to fuck him… well, it’s not like it’s his first time, it’s just that it was usually him asking to reverse roles for once. So his brain goes on a momentary shut-down from overheating.

 

The dark haired male wriggles out from under him when he notices Jimin stalling, switching on the soft illumination from the bedside lamp and rummaging around the drawers until he finds the bottle of lube.

 

“Crap. I don‘t have condoms, do you?“

 

“Me? No. I don‘t really get into that kind of situations...“ Jimin admits and blushes slightly.

 

“Hmmm, OK. So do you think there might be anything to worry about?“ Taemin asks looking at him, lust manifest in his intense stare and the way his tongue flicks over his lips quickly.

 

“No, I don‘t think so...“ and out of reflex he‘s about to add “ _but we don‘t have to go all the way_ “ even though the desire is coursing through his veins so hot and urgent he feels like he‘s about to combust.

 

“OK. But Jimin-ah?“

 

“Hm? Yes, hyung?“ Jimin asks while he watches Taemin crawl over to him. Now he can finally see him properly in the golden glow and he is absolutely stunning - svelte body moving gracefully, eyes dark and sparkling seductively, lush, pink lips parted as they speak:

 

“Just do me the favor and pull out before you cum.“

 

The smallest smirk on Taemin‘s face as he finishes this sentence looks so lewd that Jimin can‘t help but close his eyes and groan, the hunger spreading in his body like a wildfire. He senses Taemin press his frame against his side and when he turns his head he finds himself rushing into a hungry, sloppy kiss while the elder‘s hand smoothes down his chest and abs, wrapping around his straining cock so deftly that his hips jerk involuntarily at the contact.

 

Now Jimin is the impatient one as he reciprocates the action and starts moving his hand along his hyung‘s erection - the weight and heat feeling so right in his hand, but it‘s too long to cover its length properly with his small fingers. The younger doesn‘t waste time as if he was afraid Taemin might vanish into thin air if he slowed down - or even worse: as if he might change his mind.

 

Wanting to do better, he nudges Taemin until he‘s lying on his back and licks his lips, catching a glimpse of Taemin staring at his lush mouth with unmasked anticipation before placing his lips at the top of his member, kissing away a small pearl of clear pre-cum that tingles on his taste buds.

 

A restrained, stuttered moan drips from Taemin‘s lips as Jimin slides his mouth down and the slick heat encompasses his dick. The small sound makes Jimin open his eyes and look at the elder through his lashes - and Taemin looks absolutely sinful as he bites down on his lip and practically devours the other with piercing eyes.

 

The picture stays engraved behind his closed eyelids and fuels the greed for more in Jimin while he bobs his head and takes his hyung as deep as he can manage, emboldened by the gasp when he enters Taemin with a finger, encouraged by the small turned on sound he makes when he pushes in a second one, spurred on by the breathy “ _Jimin-ah_ “ he whispers when he inserts a third one.

 

Patience has never been a forte of Taemin and it is even less when Jimin‘s golden skin is glowing over well defined muscles, blonde bangs falling messily into his eyes while his incredibly plush lips stretch obscenely around his erection - and when Taemin can‘t wait to be fucked into the mattress. So he lifts Jimin‘s chin and urges:

 

“Come on, _palli_.“

 

And Jimin scrambles. His body scrambles to find its place between Taemin‘s spread legs, knees tugged to his chest, while his mind scrambles for purchase, because all of this is happening too fast to understand, it‘s too surreal to grasp how his hyung‘s eyes stare at him so dark and wide with arousal before fluttering shut as the younger guides his thick, lubed up cock to his hole, slowly, but steadily pushing in.

 

Jimin has to bite his lip to keep the deep grumble that wells up in his chest low when he bottoms out - the hot tightness engulfing him is too overwhelming to keep silent. He could cum right here, right now - but he can‘t, he won‘t, not before he‘s making Taemin see stars. But when Taemin hungrily drags his body closer to capture him in a rash, ardent kiss, it‘s actually Jimin‘s head that is spinning like he‘s seeing stars behind his closed eyes.

 

Despite the dizzying intensity of the hotness around his dick, the feel of Taemin‘s lean body underneath him and the sparks of adoration the blissed out look on the other‘s face ignites in Jimin‘s heart, his body remembers to seek even more pleasure and his hips start moving on their own.

 

Alternating between slow, deep strokes and small, grinding circles, the blonde tries to keep his eyes trained on the sensually parted lips and the pretty flush gracing the other’s cheeks, taking pride in being the one responsible for the gorgeous way Taemin‘s closed eyes flinch every time he buries himself deep inside him. But as Taemin wraps his legs around his back to draw him closer, skin on skin, and meets his thrusts more vigorously, Jimin can‘t help but also to screw his eyes shut and just relish in the pure sensation.

 

Too caught up in the moment, Jimin wouldn‘t be able to articulate this feeling, but there is a conflict between getting lost in slow, sweet reverie, dragging out this intimate encounter as long as possible, and the desire to chase the building passion, to see to which levels he will be able to spike their pleasure.

 

Seeking the thrill, Taemin rakes his nails across the younger‘s back so sharply that he feels him shiver and buck his hips with more force. Wanting to unravel his lover, Jimin ups his pace and tugs on his pierced ear lobe with his teeth, earning a subdued moan. Attuned to the small reactions of each other, they match each other‘s pace and spur each other on by the way their kisses turn from urgent to desperate, growing more sloppy as their hips meet faster, harder, until the sound of skin slapping against skin mingles with their heavy breathing.

 

Jimin is rewarded with Taemin arching his back off the mattress when he pulls out completely just to slam back into his hole with vigor. The other muffles his sob with his wrist and Jimin wishes he could hear him moan unrestrained, he‘s sure it would be the prettiest thing in the world.

 

Mind fogged with want and need, Jimin sits back on his haunches, pounding into the boy beneath him with quick, harsh snaps of his hips and he is about to go crazy from how good it feels when Taemin rolls his hips in synch, how good he looks as he tosses his head from side to side in frenzy when he wraps his hand around his straining cock to jerk him off fast and tight.

 

Taemin whines high in the back of his throat while he bites down on his lip, but Jimin runs his tongue over his lips and he opens up, lets the younger lick into his mouth, hot and demanding. Less a proper kiss than just heavy breaths mingling, tongues brushing and lips ghosting, Jimin laps up a gasp escaping Taemin‘s mouth as he slams into him, giving his all and continuing to stroke him at a maddening pace.

 

He feels Taemin shudder and has to clench his jaw to keep a loud groan at bay, because the dark haired boy looks so hot as he desperately bites down on the back of his hand, small staccato gasps finding their way past the barrier, and scrunches up his whole face in a powerful wave of pleasure when his climax hits him - and it hits him hard, so hard, when he releases hot and sticky all over the younger‘s hand and his own stomach.

 

Jimin would have deemed it impossible to be turned on even more by his hyung than he already was, but as he witnesses him cum, the irresistible, deliciously wrecked way he looks, the bodily shudder running through him and the tight grip around Jimin‘s cock when he cums are almost enough to trip him over the edge himself.

 

Feeling so much red hot heat pool in his stomach, shooting flashes into every part of his body, forming beads of sweat on his temple, Jimin buries his face against the other‘s shoulder and thrusts franticly, ruthlessly a few more times into the tightness before he bites down into Taemin‘s flesh hard to smother his groans while he feels his high wash over him in a wave of burning fire. Pressing as deep as possible into the other, he stills, distantly sensing the body buried under him flinch.

 

Apologetically he presses a small kiss to the spot on Taemin‘s shoulder where he must have bitten down with more force than necessary and if his post-orgasm-state brain had worked a bit faster, he would have said sorry by now already, but his thoughts still too slow form actual words. He hears the elder softly, hoarsely say with a tinge of gentle wonder and tender scolding:

 

“Yah! You came in me.“

 

“Oh shit. Right. Shit, sorry, sorry hyung...“ Jimin‘s brain kicks in again and he feels like a stupid jerk that he got carried away and completely forgot, but Taemin interrupts him with a chuckle:

 

“You‘re so cute. It‘s OK, really. Actually, that was pretty hot. Felt good.“

 

And the sincere, sated, lazy smile spreading beautifully across the elder‘s whole face, cheeks still dusted pink and breath still fast, makes Jimin believe it‘s really OK, so he smiles back, happy and blissed-out. Relishing the comfortable closeness and shared intimacy of this quiet moment between them as they study each other‘s radiant face with a smile, bodies still connected, Jimin wishes this little slice of paradise could last forever.

 

It lasts a little longer, even getting better as Taemin gently tugs Jimin down into a languid, unhurried kiss that still has the aftertaste of passion and surrender and ends with the elder starting to chuckle.

 

“Shit, that was just what I needed.“

 

Jimin feels his body become alive under him again, as Taemin stretches his arms in a pleased way above his head while snickering. The younger rolls off, softening cock slipping out with a droplet of cum, and also starts to chuckle - the elation coursing through his system making him bubble over with satisfaction and a light-headed silliness.

 

Lying side by side, they fail to catch their breath, because Taemin‘s giggles turn into giddy laughter and Jimin is more than ready to join him, because a happy Taemin equals a happy Jimin - the thought crosses his mind that if the elder just feels half as amazing as he feels right now, he must be pretty much out of his mind from euphoria.

 

It‘s so gratifying to witness Taemin laugh gleefully and unstrained, body sprawled out sated and limb, even teeth shining, eyes crinkling as he runs his fingers through his silky hair. Fondness spreads in Jimin‘s chest as he laughs easily along, his plump cheeks swallowing his eyes.

 

The younger doesn‘t really have words for what just happened between the two of them, he knows his love making skills might have lacked finesse and the encounter might have been rushed, but he feels _ohsofuckinggreat_ that _he_ is the one who put that blissed-out glow on his hyung‘s face and made him laugh - finally.

 

Coming back to reality slightly, the younger reaches for the box of tissues he registered out of the corner of his eyes and begins to clean the still softly snickering Taemin up gingerly. While he reaches between his cheeks to wipe away the mess, he can‘t help but apologize again:

 

“Ah, sorry hyung, I didn‘t mean to...“

 

“Come on, Jimin-ah, it doesn‘t matter. Really. And it‘s not like I have a schedule tomorrow, so it‘s OK to have your cum drip out of me, cause it‘s not anyone‘s but yours.“ the other cuts him off giggling uncontrollably as if it was the funniest thing in the whole world.

 

The laugh is contagious and suddenly Jimin finds it hilarious, too - hilarious, yet very, _very_ sexy and the notion “ _cause it‘s yours it‘s OK”_ makes his lungs expand with a warm proudness.

 

When the laughter ebbs, Taemin reaches for his vaporizer and takes one, then two deep inhales. “ _Of course.”_ Jimin registers and grins, because he just gathered another piece of very private information about the public figure that is Lee Taemin - he just hopes he is not sharing this information with too many other people who know SHINee’s maknae needs a smoke after sex.

 

Closely watching the other’s relaxed features, the blonde softly traces his fingers down his cheek and jaw before placing a small kiss on his still softly smiling lips. Taemin whispers:

 

“Thank you, Jimin-ah. Now sleep tight, good night.“

 

“No, thank _you_ , hyung. Sleep well.“

 

Taemin turns around with one last peck on the younger‘s lips and is wrapped snugly in the younger’s strong arms. He‘s content and cozy, so sleep comes easy. Jimin is just as content and cozy as he feels his hyung‘s lean body snuggling up against him. He‘s about to fall asleep, but thoughts drift in and out of his head, trying to process what just happened - so sudden and unexpected, sweeter than any of his wildest dreams.

 

Yet there is a spike of those three little words spoken by his hyung earlier: “ _just for tonight”_. But he drowns the thought in the memory of the taste of Taemin‘s lips, the softness of his skin, the muffled moan when he came... the list goes on until he recalls how incredibly hot and tight Taemin felt around his cock - this thought is the coffin nail for the memory of those three words, because the next morning they will have vanished from Jimin‘s mind.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone, in real life please don't be stupid and always use a condom!


	5. Take the Dive

 

_ The sound of my breath _

_ Had stopped without knowing _

_ That’s when I discovered you _

_ All of the coincidences _

_ Fell into your ocean _

_ In the end _

_ I will take the dive _

{ [ Take the dive ](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2018/01/jonghyun-jonghyeon-take-dive) }

 

 

The next morning, Jimin sits at the Lee family’s breakfast table with the tips of his ears bright red from uneasiness. Of course, Taemin’s mother has no idea what happened between them last night. She is so used to her son’s friends staying over on the narrow guest mattress between her son’s bedroom and closet that she didn’t even bat a lash when Taemin trudged into the dining room with Jimin in tow. Still, Jimin feels the flush creep up his cheeks when he thinks about last night while trying to be polite and eat amid civil conversation.

Taemin is much more animated this morning; there’s even a faint trace of glow on his face, and it seems like Jimin is not the only one who notices. Mrs. Lee looks at her son with such a fond smile while she places an extra large piece of meat in his bowl. 

“Jonghyun’s mom invited you and the members for dinner. Said you boys probably have a lot to talk about, and she also wants to tell you something. I said you’d be coming, and I’m going over at 5 with Minho’s mom to help her prepare dinner.”

“OK, thanks. Then I’ll head over a bit later.” Taemin shifts towards Jimin. “What’s your schedule today?”

“Nothing, Hyung.” Jimin beams at the notion of  _ nothing _ . “I only promised Jungkook I’d go to the gym with him and later to the practice room with Hoseok.”

For the younger, today is one of those rare days without a schedule. It is actually kind of a Christmas or New Year holiday, but since the year-end with all the award shows is always such a busy season for BTS, the break only amounts to three odd free days within the stretch of two weeks. Still, he feels blessed because he has the whole day for himself, and it’s starting so cozily and peacefully with a bright smile from Taemin across the table. 

“Wanna join us at the gym? Maybe with Minho-hyung?”

A few hours later, Jimin and Jungkook meet up with Taemin and Minho at the small, exclusive gym in Apgujeong, which the senior SM artists can use with a plus-one. Jimin remembers how the four of them spent a lot of time here in the months leading to Taemin’s Japanese and Korean solo concerts and albums last summer.

Sometimes, Jonghyun joined them in helping Taemin work on his goal to buff up, and everyone played fluctuating roles of good-cop-bad-cop to motivate him: they gave him endless, sometimes quite obscure advice on muscle building or played the relentless drill instructor when he wanted to take yet another coffee-and-cigarette break.

Together, they enjoyed how the hard work came to fruition. They watched as the chest of SHINee’s maknae broadened, as his arms morphed from skinny sticks to quite impressive guns (“for someone with his slender build” Jungkook would add). Well, OK, maybe they should have spent a little more time on his legs, as they were still nothing but twigs, but Jimin is not the one to complain. Every part of his hyung felt like perfection under his fingertips last night.

But Jimin brushes away those thoughts while he watches Taemin at the chest press, because right now is not really the time. Although he feels like the world suddenly started spinning the other way last night, there are eyes watching them now. He needs to act like nothing changed between them as they stand next to each other at the water fountain, taking turns drinking — it’s enough that the two of them know.

Later, everyone except for Minho, who is still busy pushing his stamina on the treadmill, filters into the small multipurpose room, which is as good as any dance studio with a wall of mirrors and bright lights. There is only one solitary girl doing some stretching exercises with her headphones on, but she leaves soon after they occupy the room with their jokes and laughter, seemingly flustered, because -  _ of fucking course _ \- she recognizes them.

And maybe, just maybe it’s better that she left, because Jungkook has the idea of the day.

“Hyung, didn’t you dance that thing with Sunmi? Gashina? Can you show me?”

“Ah, but I only learned a tiny little part, and it’s been a while...” Taemin snickers at the maknae’s eagerness.

Still, he nails the famous finger-gun movements of the choreography, especially the sultry move sliding his pointed fingers smoothly down his chest and stomach followed by a sharp body roll. But it’s undeniable that Jungkook must have been practicing, or at least watched really, really closely, because soon he’s the one leading them trying to place the whole choreo together with the help of the video from the joint performance of Taemin and Sunmi at last year’s MAMA.

As dancers, nothing compares to letting go of all thoughts while just interpreting the music with your body and expressing your feelings through movements, taking pride in how your body obeys. And it was even better to play around with like-minded people, so the three of them just enjoy picking up the moves from the choreography, one moment executing them seriously with a hue of friendly competition between them, the next moment exaggerating to make the others crack up in laughter. Hunky, muscle packed Jungkook trying to look ultra feminine and sensual especially has Jimin and Taemin doubling over from laughter.

It feels good for Taemin to just go back to normal, as if the past weeks have just been a bad dream. He’s blessed to have a friend like Jimin by his side, caring and understanding, able to scrape the mess that he currently is off the floor, make him stand up and even laugh again. When they part ways after the gym, he ruffles the younger’s hair affectionately.

“Gotta go now. Talk to you tomorrow.”

“OK, take care, Hyung. We’ll be holed up in the practice room all day tomorrow, got two days of Golden Disk Awards and two days of fanmeetings coming up next week.”

The little smile and nod Taemin gives him for saying goodbye jostles something in his heart. But it’s not until he’s lying in bed later that evening that Jimin realizes what it is: the feelings for his hyung that he hid and locked away in his heart successfully rioting in their prison, threatening to spill over.

Jimin sighs. All day he has simply been happy and still a bit dazed by what happened last night, the amazement and joy too big to allow rational thoughts to find footing in his mind. But now, in the quiet of the night, he starts thinking. He ponders why he thought  _ threatening to spill over _ , because  _ threatening _ is a strong word. Is he afraid his feelings will erupt like a volcano? Well, maybe that makes him partially uneasy, because feelings are always scary. They made him feel so very vulnerable.

But Jimin realizes that at the bottom of his anxiety, he doesn’t know what last night means to Taemin. What it will mean to them in the future. The uncomfortable uncertainty seeps into the gaps between the emotions struggling to free themselves in his heart. The concept of  _ them _ could go very right from now on. Or it could go very,  _ very _ wrong...

He gets up to look for a distraction from his pessimistic notions and finds it in the form of Namjoon coming back from the studio. Listening to Namjoon rant about the beats he’s currently brewing and the song ideas he’s working on while they have a cup of hot tea is soothing. This is just what Jimin needs to be able to brush away his worries and find sleep.

*******************

The next day is busy enough to keep any doubts at bay, because they are brushing up all the songs they will perform at the award show and the fanmeeting next week. Today, it’s just the seven of them practicing. Tomorrow, they have official rehearsals for the fanmeetings, and they have rehearsals on the day after for the Golden Disk Awards, which will be hectic, because more people will be involved. However, the fact that it’s just the seven of them today does not mean they are working any less seriously, less intensely, with Hoseok and Jimin taking turns at being stern about any choreography slip-ups and Namjoon making sure nobody is slacking off.

During a lunch break of kimbap, Jimin finds a message from Taemin.

Sunday, January 8, 2018

**Taem** _1:23pm_

We decided to do the dome concerts.

**Jiminie** _3:01pm_

Great! Is that OK for you?

**Taem** _3:19pm_

I guess it’s gonna be OK. Wanna come over tonight?

**Jiminie** _3:20pm_

Sure. But we’ll finish late tonight. I’ll text you when I know when.

Jimin misses his opportunity to grab one of the last kimbap roles as he keeps glancing at his phone. He senses his stomach do a flip in excitement, leaving him slightly nauseous from a buzzing mix of anticipation and nervousness. When they resume the practice, he has to will himself to concentrate, but once he’s managed, he gets fully immersed again.

Time flies  and Jimin wishes he can be in two places at the same time.  _ “My body ain’t enough _ ” from Mic Drop comes to his mind, because as much as he loves to spend the whole day with the members, he can’t wait for them to finish things to meet Taemin. He types while catching his breath once they decide it’s enough for today.

**Jiminie** _00:41am_

I’ll shower, and then I’m on my way.

**Taem** _00:42am_

Hurry.

Since his brain decides not to give him any useful input except for self-doubt and anxiety, Jimin tries to stop thinking as he’s on the way to Taemin’s house. Mind blank, he takes another step forward after closing the door behind him to place a quick kiss on his hyung’s lips. The elder’s body language speaks of surprise, but the smile blooming on his face is genuinely pleased, and that is all that Jimin needs to feel a rush of relief and happiness.

Once inside the bedroom, it’s Jimin’s turn to be surprised. While Jimin’s kiss was an innocent peck, Taemin immediately snakes his hand around the back of his neck and draws him in for a hungry, open-mouthed kiss, pulling their bodies flush. The voracious grin he throws at the younger is everything but innocent while he makes him take a few steps backward until they both land on the bed. While Jimin falls, his heart beats fast as if it was jumping from a 10-meter diving board.

Later, the younger’s heart is still racing, but now it’s satisfied. It’s full of contentment as Taemin stretches next to him, naked skin still damp from perspiration, breath still going fast from how he had bounced on Jimin’s cock, riding the younger desirously and deliriously.

Them clashing together was every bit as impetuous and rushed as two nights ago, but oh-so blissful and good. That’s why now Jimin feels completely sex-stupid and easily starts snickering along with Taemin. He can definitely get used to this habit of giddy giggles after sex. It’s an endearing habit, really.

The blonde throws an arm and a leg over the other and snuggles closer while relishing the beautiful, relaxed look on his hyung’s face. This close-up look is also something he can get used to, he thinks as the elder starts to speak among chuckles.

“Gosh, Jimin-ah. That was just wow.”

“Yeah, that really was wow.”

“Why didn’t we have this idea earlier?”

Jimin is about to answer that in fact he did have the idea, that it was Taemin who cut him short after just one kiss, but the dark haired male beats him to an answer.

“Shit, I’m serious, Jimin-ah, why did this never occur to us before? Friends with benefits is like the best invention  _ ever _ .”

And Taemin continues snickering soft and complacent, looking up to the ceiling. He misses how Jimin’s eyes widen and the smile on his lips withers.  _ Friends with benefits _ . That’s it? The ease and weightlessness of these words dropping from his hyung’s lips make something crumble in Jimin’s heart.

His hopes crumble like a giant sandcastle, leaving behind a muddy heap of useless feelings. He realizes all those feelings he locked up with the force of his willpower and which broke free again were useless from the very beginning. The pain coming with this realization makes it hard to breathe, makes it hard to stand the last tiny, but oh-so-happy chuckle coming from Taemin before the elder turns off the lights to sleep.

 

 

Edited by [rmzcharizard](http://archiveofourown.org/users/rmzcharizard/pseuds/rmzcharizard)


	6. Love Like Oxygen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you probably noticed already, I'm using song titles related to BTS and SHINee as chapter titles. And in this chapter I'm allowing myself to shamelessly promote Offonoff's album [boy](https://youtu.be/DoMHyF_UuuU) , because it's such a beauty :)
> 
> Update: edited version is up now, thank you so much, [rmzcharizard](http://archiveofourown.org/users/rmzcharizard/pseuds/rmzcharizard)

 

_You’re like oxygen_

_When I drink you in_

_I can’t breathe you out_

_Inside this intense agony_

_Can’t you see I’m dying away like this?_

 

{[ Love Like Oxygen ](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2012/04/shinee_syaini_-_love_like_oxygen_sanso_gateun_neo_cc_lyrics)}

 

For the next few days, Jimin is busy. He’s busy with rehearsals and two nights of the Golden Disk Awards. He’s busy internally repeating “ _I can do this, I can do this_ ,” whenever the stale feeling in his heart reminds him of the fact that Taemin will never see him as anything else than a friend ( _with benefits_ , his sarcastic mind repeats, stinging like acid). He hopes that if he repeats this lie often enough, he will end up believing it or, even better, it will come true.

When Taemin picks him up from the dorm after BTS finishes their second day of Muster fanmeetings, it’s enough for Jimin’s heart to finally find peace. The moment he sees how the elder’s eyes crinkle in glee, smile hidden behind a mask when the younger slips into the passenger seat next to him, he feels at ease. As they drive through the night, Jimin is content with them just being next to each other in a comfortable silence, all the bitter aftertaste of their last meeting and the burn gnawing at his heart forgotten quicker than the bat of the elder’s admirable eyelashes.

Watching Taemin blink is one of the little things that make Jimin’s heart flutter. Even though he knows it’s useless, he just wants to indulge in those tiny, close gestures a little longer, much like when he is reluctant to wake up and just wants one more minute of sleep when he knows one minute won’t make a difference.

He gets carried away and notices that he’s not really catching what Taemin is saying.

“Jimin-ah, are you listening? So do you want to go there or back to my place?”

“Hm, what? Oh, yeah, let’s go there, sounds good.”

He has no idea what he just agreed to, but he is already immersed neck-deep in doing stupid things (he is not an idiot; he _knows_ he will end up hurt one way or another), so adding one more stupidity doesn’t make any difference. Plus, it feels good just to let go and say yes to the unknown. It feels as thrilling as the prospect of kissing Taemin again tonight.

“I figured you’d be tired and sore after the fanmeetings,” Taemin says when he pulls up to the elegant Gangnam spa complex known for its private spa suites and discretion.

And the soft spot Jimin has in his heart for Taemin just grows a little wider, a little deeper, while he looks at the elder with affection and a wide grin. The grin stays on his face the entire time, but he gets more pleased while he feels his body relax in the sauna, more in bliss while the deft fingers of the masseuse even out any tension from his muscles while Taemin sighs contently on the massage table next to his.

Jimin is aglow with happiness, and his smile is so wide it swallows his eyes when the two of them are alone in the suite, soaking in the hot spring water in the large tub overlooking the glitzy lights of central Gangnam. Maybe this _friends with benefits_ thing isn’t that bad after all... having Taemin as a best friend to spend time with plus the perk of amazing sex. Maybe he can really do this.

But he can’t. He realizes it the next day when he’s back at the dorm and the sordid, stale, empty feeling is back. His heart is greedy. Taemin gave him a finger, but he wants the whole arm — no, even that would not be enough, he wants it all, wants all of Taemin. He wants to be the one in his heart even if he knows that his hyung’s heart is too broken and hurting right now to be concerned with mundane feelings like love. He feels horribly selfish for wanting to demand love from Taemin when Jonghyun has been gone not even a month.

The blonde makes the resolve not to burden his hyung with his feelings but instead to play their little game and go back to repeat his mantra _Icandothis-Icandothis-Icandothis_ even though he knows that it will be less painful for him to end things now before plunging in even deeper.

Jimin wouldn’t be in BTS, and he wouldn’t be standing where he is right now if he didn’t have a ton of self-discipline, willpower and hardheadedness, as well as a talent for pretending things are fine. So he makes it work, him and Taemin falling into a comfortable routine of seeing each other whenever they find the time that has Jimin sometimes wonder if things are really that much different than they would be if they were a couple.

The reminder comes on the Friday evening after the Seoul Music Awards when Kai proposes to go for dinner in their KaTalk group chat:

 

Friday, January 26, 2018

 **Jongin Exo** _05:11pm_

Guys, dinner tonite?

 

 **Kwonho hyung** _05:12pm_

Sorry, got plans with my girl

 

 **Moonkyu Timoteo** _05:12pm_

I’m in!

 

 **Taem** _05:17pm_

Call

 

 **me** _05:21pm_

Me too

 

 **Sungwoon One** _05:59pm_

Sorry, busy with a schedule :(

 

Taemin is the last to arrive (nothing unusual there), and Moonkyu is his usual cheerful self, but Jongin seizes Jimin with a weird glance once they meet. _Oh shit. He knows,_ Jimin thinks while blushing. Of-fucking-course Jongin would know about them, Taemin shares practically everything with his best friend as if they’re Siamese twins. The image of Taemin telling Jongin that they’re fucking and Jongin raising an eyebrow in that sneeringly cold way of his throws Jimin off balance until the food arrives.

It’s a relatively quiet dinner in a small private room of a mid-range Korean restaurant, nothing special, but Taemin is glad to see all of them again and listen to them talk. They are carefully avoiding the topic of Jonghyun until Taemin kind of brings it up himself.

“Did you see that I posted a selca with the award that Leeteuk Hyung brought over today? The comments were really nice, seems like everyone was happy to see me again.”

“Oh, yeah, congratulations on the popularity award. Everyone must have been worried that you didn’t accept the award yourself, so they were happy to see you’re doing well,” Jongin says while ruffling Taemin’s hair fondly.

“Yeah, congratulations, Taemin-ah.” Jimin and Moonkyu chime in, but Taemin cuts them short with a small, mischievous grin while he frees his head from Jongin’s hand.

“Oh right, Jongin-ah, our Jiminie stole the Daesang from you this year! How many years in a row did you win this?”

“Four years...“ Kai says with an exaggerated pout, making Taemin and Moonkyu crack up in laughter, but Jimin can’t help but blush and apologize.

Suddenly, everyone is animated to shower each other with compliments, because they have three winners of Daesangs, Bonsangs and Inkisangs at the table, so they laugh and joke freely while finishing their dinner.

But another reminder for Jimin that a fuckbuddy is not the same as a boyfriend comes in the form of a text from Taemin, even though he’s sitting right across the table from him.

 

 **Taem** _09:46pm_

Any plans for later?

 

Jimin looks at him with wide eyes and shakes his head in miniscule movement, a hot shudder running down his back.

 

 **Taem** _09:47pm_

Wait for me in the GS25 on the corner

 

The younger types _OK_ in reply and finds himself browsing the rows of snacks and instant ramen in the convenience store after the four friends bid their goodbyes. He startles when his phone starts to buzz.

“Come out. I’m in front,” Taemin’s voice filters into his ear.

Getting into Taemin’s car and later checking into the hotel before texting Taemin the room number, Jimin can’t help but feel a speck of hollowness inside again. Of course he’s aware that the two of them can never been an item in public, but this hiding still leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, even more to be hiding in front of their friends. He can’t shake off the thought that something that has to be concealed is something dirty. But he doesn’t want this thing he has with Taemin to be a dirty secret. Again, he wants _everything_. He wants the shared happiness, the shared togetherness, and the shared memories.

Maybe the fact that Taemin will be leaving for the concert rehearsals in Japan tomorrow makes him emotional, but today it’s harder to brush away his thoughts and feelings and to just enjoy every bit and piece of Taemin that the elder is willing to give him. Maybe it’s the fact that the hotel they picked is _romantic_ and a proper home for them for the whole night, not just a few hours. Earlier in the car, they decided to splurge tonight to celebrate their awards and picked a [ luxury hotel ](http://www.banyantreeclub.com/web_eng/01_about/ab021.asp) complete with Namsan views from the bed and from large-ass relaxation pool in the bedroom.

Yet when Jimin opens the door for his hyung, they don’t waste time to appreciate any of the those features. Desire sparked so quickly and pressingly that they don’t even bother making it back to the bed but get busy in the shower. Like two magnets, they clash urgent and hard once they are within each other’s field of attraction.

Later, they lie in bed, skin rosy and hot from soaking in the pool, body and mind slothful and relaxed. Music is playing softly, providing the perfect backdrop for this luxurious moment. Jimin’s phone connected to the stereo plays Offonoff’s latest album _boy_ : slow, mellow, lo-fi hip hop which vacillates between sweet and low-key sexy, but throughout it's tinged with a faint underlying sadness.

Yoongi was the one who got Jimin into the album, because it was released on HIGHGRND, and Yoongi basically soaked up everything related to Tablo ever since the Epik High Sunbae noticed Suga and got friendly with him to the point of posting a screenshot of their KaTalk on his Insta.

The slow beats of [ _Cigarette_ ](https://youtu.be/AamatUtxev4) drip from the speakers. Taemin inhales the steam from the vaporizer lazily, he and Jimin sprawled out on their backs next to each other. Miso and Colde sing and Jimin listens.

_I could, I could, be there for you_

_I could, I could, be the one to_

_I'd be, your cigarette_

_I would, I would, be your light and_

_I would, I would, shine you bright_

_Oh I wish, I'll be your last_

He senses his heart constrict with heaviness. It’s like they take the lines from his mouth before he can tell Taemin. Only that he will never tell him. Because they are nothing more than friends with fucking benefits. Jimin’s mind is like a scratched record. It always comes back to this ridiculous euphemism for their relationship.

He can be so much more. It can be so good. But here he is, still repeating ‘ _I can do this’_ even if his heart screams at the lie. It thumbs hard and desperate at the ribs caging it in while Taemin props himself up and lets his beautiful face hover over Jimin’s before tenderly connecting their lips. And just like Taemin forgets about the Jonghyun-shaped, painful hole in his heart, Jimin also stops thinking about his heavy heart when he gets lost in the sensation of the plush lips and the homey taste of the other’s mouth.

The kiss lasts a fraction of eternity, all the previous rush taken out just to relish the intimacy of the closeness, skin against skin. Ever so slowly, Taemin starts letting his hands roam the other’s body and letting the kiss gain more depth, more meaning. Jimin senses the subtle change in the mood, how Taemin’s tongue becomes gently coaxing, his fingers looking for places that make his breath hitch as he rolls on top of the younger, settling between his legs instead of straddling his hips.

“Ready for round two, Jimin-ah?”

Jimin doesn’t even have to nod; the broad grin spreading all across his face is enough of an answer as Taemin glances down at him, looking ethereal and absolutely sin-worthy. The elder’s pillowy lips move down Jimin’s jaw and neck, and when he reaches his collarbones, he continues to speak in between kisses.

“You know what? I really ... really ... _really_ wanna fuck you.”

And he looks him in the eye while pressing his groin down against the younger.

“Please say yes?”

The only reason why Jimin can’t answer right away is that his head is swimming from how intoxicating it feels to see the way Taemin wants him sparkle in his eyes, but he gathers himself, and it’s more of a moan than a word when he finally answers.

“Yeah.”

The blonde feels his dick twitch back to life  because of the way Taemin’s face brightens instantly - a dark, lustful kind of bright - and he continues.

“Good boy. Wanna do you raw, that OK? It’s safe ‘cause I got tested recently, and I haven’t slept with anyone except you since then.”

While Jimin breathes ‘ _yes_ ’, there’s an avalanche of lust crashing down inside him, making him so hot and bothered that the familiar feeling of desperate haste makes him drag the other down for a hungry, vehement kiss.

Unlike before when the impatience of one of them spurred the other on to match the rushed pace, Taemin suddenly takes his sweet time. He ignores the eager way Jimin seeks more friction while he ghosts his lips ever so lightly and slowly over the sensitive junction of his inner thighs and torso. He ignores the pleading way he moans for him to hurry when the pace of his fingers in him and his mouth around the younger’s dick is so maddeningly slow.

Thorough is the right word for how Taemin prepares the other, turning Jimin into a panting, writhing mess, because by now the elder knows his body well enough not to push him too far and keep him balanced on the edge. Jimin lets out a choked sob when Taemin replaces his fingers with his mouth, sucking and licking at the delicate, wrinkly skin around his entrance.

Jimin already feels restless and delirious, so gone that he doesn’t even realize that he wrapped his own hand around his cock to jerk himself off until Taemin swats his hand away and tsk-tsks at him with an amused tone in his smooth voice.

“So desperate, hm? Wanna cum already, or can you be a good boy and wait until I’m inside you?”

“Yes! No! Yes! Hm, what?”

Jimin’s ability to form coherent thoughts is not at its peak right now, and it’s not getting any easier for him to articulate an answer when Taemin smirks and starts pumping three lubed-up fingers into him, angle precise enough to make him cry out in pleasure.

It’s been exquisitely fun to tease the younger to this point, but now enough is enough, and Taemin doesn’t want to wait any longer. Just that moment Jimin flashes his eyes open and whines.

“Hyuuuung, hurry up already! Do I really have to beg?”

“Oh, that would be nice!” Taemin exclaims with an amused, lascivious grin.

“You’re an ass.”

“That’s not how you beg. Try again,” the elder chuckles.

“Man, seriously?” Jimin shoots an annoyed glance at him.

There’s a shift in atmosphere: in the blink of an eye Jimin snaps out of his reverie and the heavy sexual tension bursts like a bubble when Taemin starts giggling, ruffling the blonde’s hair with his clean hand.

“You’re funny. And cute.”

It’s one of the most entertaining things of the past weeks to watch Jimin’s face transform from pleasure to irritation to amusement as the younger also cracks up. It’s not really like them to stay serious; smiles and laughter come to both of them just too naturally. Jimin charges at the snickering elder and they end up rolling around the bed, almost managing to fall off.

“You ruined the mood,” Taemin mock-complains.

“What did you want me to say? Uh-daddy-please-I-need-it-so-bad-please-stick-your-monster-cock-in-me!?” Jimin acts, making exaggeratedly salacious expressions.

“You watch too much porn, Jimin-ah.”

They chuckle softly, arms and legs intertwined, breathing into each other’s neck, just relishing the complicity and the physical contact. Jimin can’t help but note down in his memory how beautiful Taemin is when his face is so close that he becomes slightly cross-eyed at the attempt to look into his eyes. He leans in closer until the other’s lids flutter shut and he purses his plush lips, waiting for the kiss.

It feels so [ gold ](https://youtu.be/dN4lkJNTzF4) to savor the heat of Taemin’s mouth, the warmth of his skin. Conveniently, Colde and Dean sing in the background,

_It feels so gold so gold_

_We’ll be alright (we’ll be alright)_

_We’ll be alright (we’ll be alright)_

The music affects them automatically, their bodies too used to being dancers to ignore the beat, so the light, relaxed atmosphere and the laziness in their kiss become more determined and sensual as _Gold_ transitions into the more sultry [ _Good2Me_ ](https://youtu.be/BzsZcdrr3MM). It’s as if the sugary, sticky R’n’B tune had to remind them that earlier they left off somewhere significant.

What started as a tiny subconscious movement has them rolling their hips against each other so fluidly and in tune that in no time Jimin’s breath hitches at how good it feels when their re-awakening arousals are pressed against each other. He wants to get closer, feel Taemin more, melt into his body. He wants the honey-sweet slowness, the homey closeness, the luscious coalescence.

Taemin doesn’t even have to be a mind reader. He wants the same as he gently nudges the younger until he’s lying on his stomach. Making the slide slick with the help of some more lube, he flicks his wrist a few times to regain full hardness and affectionately pats the other’s round behind.

“Hips up a little, darling.”

And when Jimin complies and opens his legs wider as he feels the other slip one leg between his thighs, the anticipation makes his body tingle all over, growing bigger when he senses the warm, blunt tip of Taemin’s dick slide between his cheeks.

He feels the pressure against his flesh, feels it increase until his body gives way. The dense pressure, the burning stretch and the slow drag along his insides amount to absolute blissful perfection. A surge of felicity rushes through his system when he’s completely filled and feels as much as Taemin’s body press against his as possible.

“Oh shit.”

Taemin doesn’t swear often, but in moments like this when the hot tightness swallowing him is so intense that he has to rest his forehead between the other’s shoulder blades for a second and remember how to breathe, it just comes out. Softly, he places small kisses down the back of the man pinned beneath him so pliantly. He dares to move, pulling his hips back just a little, slowly pushing forward again and reaching even deeper thanks to the small movement.

The motion and increase in depth has both of them gasp quietly. The magnitude of the feeling makes Jimin’s toes curl, because it seems just too freaking superb how slow and sensual yet determined and deep, oh so deep, the other pushes his hardness into his core. The way he feels his hyung gently grab his hips to pull them together even closer every time their hips kiss is almost loving, and it makes his breath flutter from the warm feeling in his chest.

Taemin runs his hands reverently across every expanse of skin he can reach, Jimin’s muscular body coming alive under the touch, while his hips start moving. He admires the silky, rosy skin under his fingers, the abundant curves of his round ass and strong thighs and the cute way his open mouth is squished by the cheek pressed against the mattress.

The elder really likes the gorgeous panorama in front of his eyes. However, he really loves the sensation of pushing into the smoldering tightness of the younger and pulling small, pleasurable reactions and noises from Jimin.

And that’s the benefit of a hotel room like this one: they don’t have to hold back. There’s no need to keep in down as the tiny gasps turn into heavy panting when Taemin ups the pace until he can hear the way his pelvis smacks against the younger’s ass or when the quiet moans turn into high pitched _ah_ s every time Jimin feels the elder bury himself completely, balls smacking against his body.

Even though Taemin starts thrusting in earnest, he continues to drive his cock so deep, ending each stroke with a snap of his hips to press in even deeper for a fraction. It has Jimin feel like he's dissolving in pleasure; it’s too sweet and too much to bear. When the elder grinds into him so thoroughly, he groans at the friction of his achingly hard dick against the sheets and can’t help to rut down to chase the sensation.

A quiver runs through the younger’s body. He’s 100% percent gone already, but distantly he just wishes this bliss of being so full and feeling so desired could last longer. However, he can tell that Taemin won’t grant him this wish. His hyung is determined to make him scream from pleasure. And he succeeds: a high, ragged wail rips from Jimin’s lungs when he feels his whole body tense and jerk almost violently with the force of his high overpowering him, making him scrunch up his whole face as white static buzzes behind his eyes and in his ears.

The static noise buzzing in his mind fizzles out like a sparkler while he remotely feels the moisture from his own cum trapped between his belly and the mattress turn from hot to cool and smear when Taemin continues to thrust into him hard and deep. Just as a small whine slips past his lips, he gasps when he feels the elder pull out. It’s absolutely gratifying and tantalizing to hear Taemin’s stuttered groan and sense his hot, dense release hit his ass cheeks when he cums.

Jimin opens his eyes and twists to shoot Taemin a glance over his shoulder. Chest heaving, heavy dick still in his hand, his lithe, pale body and flushed face look so irresistible that Jimin wants to lock this image in his memory forever. Then a contented smile lights up his face as he leans down to place a soft, tender kiss on Jimin’s lips, breath tickling the younger’s face hot and fast.

Gingerly, he tries to wipe the mess from Jimin’s butt and belly while Jimin is too blissed out to do anything but lie boneless and grin wide and sated while watching Taemin’s concentrated face. But then the younger sits up with a last burst of energy and grabs his phone, lying back next to his hyung and angles the camera to catch a picture of their heads touching, hair falling messily and tousled, but faces aglow with joy and satisfaction, smiles blinding and enraptured.

Slowly catching their breath, they comfortably tangle their limbs, and Taemin’s phone pings when Jimin sends him the selca. The elder looks at it with a fond smile, because it captures the bliss, the elation and the oneness perfectly. The chemistry. But he can’t allow himself to think about concepts like chemistry or happiness or the lovely way Jimin looks at him right now, because what matters at this point is to somehow survive the next few days of concert rehearsals when they have to figure out when to leave a gap and when to try to fill it and how with only the four of them on stage.

Taemin is not even sad when he realizes that happiness is nothing he can expect or hope for right now, because he’s too used to setting his priorities realistically, just focusing on work. However, he does push back those sobering thoughts to the very back of his mind in order to indulge in Jimin’s warm, sweet and cozy embrace for just for a few more hours before leaving for Japan.

  
  
Edited by [rmzcharizard](http://archiveofourown.org/users/rmzcharizard/pseuds/rmzcharizard)

 


	7. Lie

 

_ I’m still the same me _

_ The me from before is still here but _

_ The lie that’s gotten too big _

_ Is trying to swallow me up _

{ [ Lie ](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2016/10/bts-bangtansonyeondan-lie) } 

  
  


While Taemin is in Japan for the rehearsals, Jimin is busy again. There’s the photo shoot for the cover of Billboard Magazine, recording Japanese versions for the next album, working on new stuff, filming Run BTS, company meetings, etc. He’s not too busy, however, for overthinking about Taemin.

The night before he left was different somehow. The warmth of the word  _ darling _ is inked into his memory, and it makes everything harder. It’s moments like that night when it’s more than them just flipping a switch from a simple friendship to a simple fuck that Jimin wants more. He wants it all. He wants the loving tenderness, the doting smiles, the feeling of belonging, the kind of bond that makes him feel at home. He hates how much he loves the glimpse of all this during that night at the hotel.

He can’t help but feel a flare of hope in his heart, that there is a chance that Taemin will change his mind, but his brain knows that it’s useless, so he tries to stamp out the hope. But still, as the days pass, he misses his hyung and has flashes of the memories from the short moments that were nothing short of perfection.

More irritable than usual, Jimin is also irked at how every sad love song suddenly makes him emotional and think of his hyung. He’s lounging with Taehyung on his bed, watching iKON’s latest music video,  [ _ Love Scenario _ ](https://youtu.be/vecSVX1QYbQ) , because in general he has to keep an eye on competition.

He remembers that they watched the YG group closely when they were hailed as monster rookies even before debut, because four years ago they seemed menacing, as they also have 7 members the same age as Bangtan and a strong hip-hop concept. But how life goes, today BTS is in a position where no other group seems menacing anymore.

Still, out of habit, Jimin pays attention to Donghyuk.  His superb dancing skills, pleasant, sweet and high singing voice, and position as the third youngest always makes Jimin think of him as his counterpart. Donghyuk’s part of this sad breakup song with its contrasting upbeat tune comes on.

_ Memories that will occasionally come to mind in my life _

_ And in those memories if you are there, that is enough. _

Those lines hit home, and it fucking hurts. That is exactly the path he and Taemin are taking right now, and Jimin knows it won’t work, that there won’t be a happy ending when the curtain falls.

 

**************

 

A week later, Taemin is still in Japan, and Jimin misses him. It’s not rational, it’s not right, but he can’t deny it. He just wants every little piece that the other is willing to give him, even if Jimin knows it will never be enough. He opens their KaTalk chat.

_ I miss you _

He erases the text. He stares at his phone screen blankly and feels utterly lost. Then he types again.

_ Hyung, I miss y _

But he deletes it before finishing. He shakes his head as if to clear it of all those useless feelings. He really has to get a grip again, and the easiest solution is distraction, so he switches on the selfie mode and starts recording whatever comes to his mind. He pauses to pull his blue Carhartt over his stubborn, messy hair and records a few more takes of himself calling out to Hoseok-hyung to finally come home until he’s satisfied, and he uploads it on  [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/BTS_twt/status/959334988192731136) .

When Hoseok comes home later, he looks at Jimin seriously yet curiously as he asks, "Where did that come from?"

Right now, on occasions when Hobi is not loud and cheerful, he’s Jimin’s favorite hyung to talk to when something is bothering him. It’s because the elder is genuinely caring and the best at listening to him. He’s the best at trying to solve whatever problem he’s having or cheering him up. Jimin counters with another question instead of answering.

"Hobi-hyung, do you think friends with benefits can work?"

Hoseok catches the slight quiver in Jimin‘s voice and the eager look in his eyes that’s equally hopeful and fearful. And he’s observant, so it’s easy to connect the dots.

"You mean you and Taemin?"

The younger averts his eyes and nods.

 

**************

 

At the same time in Osaka, Taemin and Kibum are getting ready to sleep after a draining day of concert rehearsals — draining both physically and emotionally. Just like old times, the two of them opt for a shared hotel room with twin beds in order to feel less alone. Key is already under the covers and scrolling through his Instagram when Taemin switches beds and sits down on his hyung’s.

"Hyung, can I ask you something?"

"Sure. Shoot, Taem."

The elder can’t help but grin, because Taemin still manages to have the same awkward, eager, yet shy, oddball air as when he was a gangly 13-year old.

"What do you think about friends with benefits?"

Kibum opens his mouth silently like a goldfish while looking at Taemin wide-eyed before he chuckles.

"Yah! I keep forgetting that our Taeminie is all grown up now, not a shy teenager anymore." After this long day, he doesn’t really feel like having any more serious conversations, so he lightheartedly jokes. "Are you really asking or proposing?"

"Ah, Hyung! You’re making fun of me!" Taemin whines and punches his arm.

And Key knows the maknae well enough to note that he won’t get far with his jokes tonight, because this matter really seems serious to Taemin, who is uneasily playing with his fingers.

"Sorry, sorry. So you want my opinion in general, or are you asking about anyone in particular?"

"No, no, just your opinion."

The elder knows better than trying to force more information from Taemin; he knows how stubbornly he keeps things to himself.

"OK. Hm. Honestly… well, honestly, I don’t think it works. Realistically, it might work for a while, preferably when you’re drunk, horny and lonely. But in the long run, it just doesn’t end well, because one of you develops feelings but the other doesn’t, or because one of you gets sick of it but not the other one, or because one finds love with someone else and the other doesn’t."

Taemin fiddles with his ring and looks lost in thought. Kibum would love to know what’s going on in his head right now, so he makes one more attempt to find out.

"Any reason why you ask?"

"No, not really, Hyung."

Taemin’s voice is noncommittal, light and cheerful, just like the smile spreading across his face. It’s the sign that the conversation is over, and he crawls into his own bed. Again, Kibum knows better than to pry. He does lie awake for quite a while, though, wondering about all the things Taemin doesn’t open up about.

The other lies awake even longer. Even though his body is worn out, his brain is running in circles. Like a perpetual merry-go-round, it goes round and round, revolving around Jimin but never getting closer to any solution against the sudden outburst of annoying little butterflies fluttering in his stomach so vexingly every time he remembers his plush lips curling into a smile, his soft, warm skin or his high, bubbly laughter.

He didn’t plan any of this. Back then, that one night Jimin kissed him, Taemin started to entertain the thought of them together ‘ _ in another life’, _ or maybe ‘ _ later in life’,  _ when they were established and settled enough that there wouldn’t be leagues of disappointed fangirls trying to rip them to pieces if their relationship came to light.

A few weeks ago when he was the one to pick up where that kiss left off, he has to admit he was out of his mind from the pain and the void Jonghyun left behind. He was at the point where he had no idea what was wrong or right, what was up or down, least of all what was decent or selfish.

He just wanted something to take his mind off the avalanche of horrid feelings. And his way of dealing with stress or unpleasant feelings was a physical one. Being a dancer, Taemin has always been better at expressing himself with his body than with words, so it’s more by luck than by judgment that his coping mechanisms have been relatively sane and safe up till now, like getting his ears pierced when he’s stressed or resorting to casual sex when he feels down.

That’s why at first those delicious sexual encounters with Jiminie, whom he really treasured and loved as a friend, were perfect in Taemin’s eyes. Being with him was hot as hell yet effortlessly comfortable — the perfect distraction from his troubled state of mind, even if it was just for a few hours. But now, his heart starts beating faster whenever thoughts of Jimin wedge their way into his preoccupied brain.

Taemin wonders if adding this layer of feelings might be just another coping mechanism to distract him from all the pain, maybe even more powerful than just chasing physical sensations. All he can think of right now is that he must be a horrible person for having a fluttering heart when he should be mourning. He can’t allow himself the thought of happiness or to fathom a happy ending for the two of them, so it will be better to chop off any attachment before it becomes any stronger.

And around the same time, Jimin comes to a realization of his own in Seoul. After talking to Hoseok over the last few days, he recognizes that he can’t go on like this. Swallowing his feelings, he feels like he’s starving while holding on to Taemin’s outstretched hand. Therefore, even though it’s selfish of him to burden his hyung with his mess of feelings at this undeniably inopportune moment, he’ll try to gather his courage and talk to him about this wreckage called ‘ _ us _ ’.

 

*******************

 

The gods of fate are not kind to them, as Taemin returns from Japan the same day that Jimin and Hoseok fly out to Tokyo for a week of promoting on Japanese TV. They don’t get to meet until just a day before Taemin leaves for the dome concert in Osaka.

They haven’t seen each other for three weeks. Maybe that’s the reason that Jimin feels an uneasy restlessness prickling under his skin when his hyung picks him up from the dorm. It doesn’t help that Taemin stubbornly refuses to tell the younger where they are going, a tight smile around his mouth.

The tension hangs heavy in the air between them in the car, and Jimin wonders if it’s because Taemin must be on edge about the concerts or if it's just his own anxiety. Although it’s probably the worst timing ever, he needs to try talking to his hyung about his feelings tonight. Otherwise, Jimin thinks his heart will wither and die because it feels like it has been squeezed and wrung out like a lemon in the past few weeks.

To say Jimin is surprised at what comes next is an understatement. They only just turned the corner from their new dorm in Hannam-dong when Taemin pulls into an underground garage of UN Village and refuses to open his mouth all the way until they stand in an completely empty apartment with a lovely view over the Han river.

"I bought this place."

Taemin giggles shyly and blinks, but there’s a proud shine in his eyes.

"What?"

Jimin can’t help himself stare openmouthed at his hyung, because buying an apartment in such an expensive neighborhood is not exactly a trivial, every-day transaction like wondering whether to buy chocolate or banana milk at the convenience store.

"Don’t look so shocked, Jimin-ah. Remember how I’ve been talking about wanting to get my own place and live independently? In early December, I went to see this place and another one, then I didn’t really have time to see anything else, but I kind of really liked this one..."

Jimin feels a sting in his heart at what ‘ _ I didn’t really have time to see anything else _ ’ really means, and he finally manages to close his mouth as he listens to Taemin, who's getting more excited and proud by the second, continue.

"... and then while I was in Japan, the real estate agent called to check if I was still interested, and just like that, I signed the contract when I came back to Seoul."

He grins at Jimin wide and exhilarated. Maybe his brain short-circuited when he made this bold decision in the spur of a moment, but the excitement and the drag of all the necessary paperwork provided an excellent distraction from all the other things going round and round in his head.

"You know, I just thought I don’t want to look at more options and compare endlessly. I felt good about this place and wanted to get it out of the way. What do you think?"

Taemin drinks in his expression like he’s really anxious to get his approval. It makes Jimin break out in a broad smile.

"I think you’re crazy, Hyung, but you got good taste. This place is amazing. Lemme have a look around."

As they walk through the empty space of the large living room with a kitchen island, the two smaller rooms facing the other side and bathroom tiled in elegant grays, Jimin admires every detail, but he is less enthusiastic about the place than its owner, who almost seems manic in his excessive excitement. The corners of Taemin’s mouth stretch unnaturally wide, and Jimin can't help but think that they can’t seem to get rid of the underlying tension lingering between them.

"Now let’s break in this house. I’ve missed you."

Taemin drops this sentence as lightly and casually as he places the bottle of lube on the kitchen island counter, all the while grinning at Jimin. In other circumstances, Jimin would have been swept off his feet with lust and swooned with a warm happiness to hear ‘ _ I’ve missed you _ ’, but right now, Taemin seems a bit over-excited for his own good, and Jimin really needs to talk to him before letting his hormones take over again.

"I missed you, too. But I think we have to talk."

Jimin gulps. That was hard to say out loud, but less hard than expected. What he doesn’t expect, however, is how things spin out of control. Taemin feels disappointment and irritation creep up, because sweet and compliant Jimin doesn’t play along as imagined. Instead of them boning on every available surface of the apartment fervently, the younger takes a step away from him and looks less than eager. No, he looks defensive and wants to force him to talk about serious stuff, even though he should know better that talking is a red flag to Taemin.

It annoys the shit out of Taemin. Maybe he really isn’t in his right mind when his sly smile drops and he stares at the other with a sneer. He wants to rile up the younger, wants to see the nice and sweet facade crack.

"So we’re not gonna fuck tonight?"

"No. Yes. I don’t know. Let’s just talk right now, hm?"

"Well, if you don’t want to, fine. You can stay here and talk all you want, but I’m gonna leave and find someone more eager than you."

It’s so satisfying to see all color drain from Jimin’s face, how his jaw first attempts to drop in disbelief but then sets on clenching tight. The younger has a hard time believing what he heard and a harder time even comprehending that Taemin might be serious about it, as his hyung grabs his jacket and takes a few steps backwards towards the door while looking at him with a cruel, challenging smirk.

Torn between a flash of horror and a wave of anger, Jimin sees red when he bolts forward, reaching out to keep his hyung from leaving.

"W-wait!"

"Why? Changed your mind?"

“N-no...”

“Then why do you even care?”

"Because I’m fucking in love with you!"

Jimin’s sudden shout rings loud and irate through the empty space. It has both of them stop in their tracks and look at each other for a long, a very long second. Their eyes are locked, deep and intense, looking for a cue for capitulation or a clue that all of this is just a bad joke in the other’s eyes. But there is none. There is only disillusionment, hardness and anger. This is neither what Taemin nor what Jimin wants. It's just a sad train wreck.

Taemin stays frozen for a millisecond less; he’s the first to take a step forward, but Jimin follows suit, and their bodies collide forcefully, lips impacting on top of each other, teeth clinking, tongues invading. The younger holds the other in place tightly with a hand around the back of his neck and his waist while Taemin rashly grips the blonde’s hair with both fists.

They struggle, unsure if they are simply struggling for dominance or struggling to wrestle down their disenchantment, but they stumble back a few paces while devouring each other’s mouths and harshly gripping anything their hands reach. As the elder slips his hand into the back of Jimin’s pants to squeeze his ass hard, they fight their way out of their clothes, pushing and pulling until they land on the floor.

Jimin ends up on top of the other and pins him down with his weight and muscle strength, one corner of his mouth twisting upwards in a spark of recompense as he feels the slender body strain beneath him. He rakes his nails down the elder’s chest while sucking a bruise next to his nipple, earning a shaky yet angry whine. Jimin wants to rip him to pieces — actually, what he wants is to rip his heart out and slap some sense into it, make it love him.

The thought distracts him enough for Taemin to gain the upper hand and flip them around and secure his wrists over his head with one hand while he attacks his neck and shoulders with his lips and teeth, leaving little, angry-red marks along his way. He prides himself at how the younger gasps sharply, how his cheeks are blotted prettily with a dark flush and how his cock is rock hard and giving a twitch when he bites down particularly hard. 

Lost in the venom of resentment and revenge, they are a flurry of tangling, struggling limbs, forcefully gripping hands, hostile mouths. What unites them is the wish to hurt and to ache in order to shut up any tormenting thoughts at least for a fleeting moment.

The result is a shudder of pleasure running through Taemin’s whole body when he feels Jimin kick his legs wider apart while the cool surface of the kitchen island against his belly and chest provides such a delightful contrast to the hot burn when he senses the intrusion of Jimin’s thick cock being shoved into him less then gently.

Taemin bucks and moans; the assault of sensations is too sweet and rewarding, the intensity finally matching the pain in his heart during the past eight weeks. The raw physicalness and inhibitionless rough treatment turn him on so much, because he managed to crack down Jimin’s stubborn niceness to the primal, unsightly core.

But even though the haze of franticness, Jimin is alarmed that he might have taken things too far and stills, leaning down close to his hyung’s face.

"Shit, sorry, you OK?"

‘ _ That stubborn niceness _ ’ flashes through Taemin’s mind as he senses vexation bubble up inside him. He twists his flexible body, grabbing a handful of Jimin’s blonde hair and tugs him closer as he sneers.

"Stop sounding so in love."

He catches the younger in a bruising kiss, nipping at his plush lower lip with his teeth, forcing his head to stay down with a tight grip. When he lets go, Jimin is panting hard, and tears prick in his eyes, because he’s recovering not only from the pain in his scalp but also from the pang of the realization that the elder will never look for anything beyond physical pleasure from him. He makes the resolve that this will be the last time.

There’s no trace of tenderness left, only pent up frustration and heartache when Jimin pulls his hips back and starts thrusting sharply, quickly, pouring everything he has into the movements. A fine sheet of perspiration covers their heated bodies, and soon the sound of skin slapping against skin echoes through the empty rooms, adding to the obscenity of the scene.

In his frenzy, Jimin wants revenge for the hurt and makes Taemin straighten up by pulling him up by his hair and throat. Keeping him in place by wrapping his hand around his neck, he notes his adam’s apple bob when he swallows while Jimin snaps his hips hard and fast, adding momentum by grabbing Taemin’s hips and pulling him back to meet each thrust.

He won’t last long; all of this is too crazy and overwhelming like a fever dream. He sees a tear cling to his hyung’s eyelashes, hears him hiccup such breathy  _ ah _ s every time he crashes into him. He feels him shiver as he moves his hand from his throat to his cock, stroking him a few times only before the other jerks and twitches through an intense orgasm.

It’s all too much when Taemin sags against the counter with a shudder while Jimin holds on tight to his hips to make him meet his movements that become rabid and lose their rhythm. As he feels the heat coil in his stomach like molten lava, he curls forward over Taemin’s body, gripping his wrists as he grinds his pelvis against the other’s ass, pushing into the hot tightness again and again until his release finally hits him with a grumbling groan from deep in his chest.

The sudden silence that follows rings loudly in Jimin’s ears. The only sound in the room is their heavy breathing, no chuckle, no giggles, no content hum. He registers that Taemin slides down until he’s sitting on the floor and he feels his gaze on him, but he can’t bring himself to look at him. As his breathing steadies, a sordid hollow spreads in his lungs. This isn’t the way it should be. He tried, but he has to admit he  _ can’t _ do this.

"I can’t do this anymore," Jimin says out loud before he can stop himself. He adds in a small voice, "Sorry, Hyung."

He misses the look of hurt and confusion on Taemin’s face as he keeps his eyes trained on the floor and swiftly tugs himself back into his winter clothes and dashes for the door without even as much as a glance back, because he knows he won't be able to leave if he looks at his hyung. Once outside, he is not even sure if Taemin said anything to him, for the misery is screaming too loud in his head to hear anything else. It screams in tune with the biting cold of the winter night as he walks home, bringing tears to his eyes.

  
  
  


Edited by [rmzcharizard](http://archiveofourown.org/users/rmzcharizard/pseuds/rmzcharizard)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the last... and sorrynotsorry for shamelessly promoting non-BTSHINee songs again, but Love Scenario by iKON is such a beautiful song!


	8. Spring Day

 

 

_ Cherry blossoms are blooming _

_ The winter is ending _

_ I miss you (I miss you) _

{ [ Spring Day ](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2017/02/bts-bangtansonyeondan-spring-day-bomnal) }

 

 

Jongin isn’t asking any questions when a red-eyed, disheveled Taemin stands in front of his door past midnight. He just lets him use his biceps as a pillow and warps the other arm securely around him when they lie in bed. It’s Taemin who asks the questions.

“Why is nothing the way it should be? Why does everything have to be so hard?”

“I don’t know, Taemin-ah. Wanna to tell me what’s so hard?”

But Taemin only makes a negating noise, adding that they should go to sleep now. Just the familiar presence of his friend is enough to make him feel reassured. He’s the quiet pillar of support that he needs right now.

Taemin has always been someone to believe that if he follows, observes and relies on certain believes, rules and pillars, life will be OK. He knows if he doesn’t memorize the choreography, improve his singing, or if it comes to light that he’s gay, his life will be hell. He knows if he sins, his afterlife will be hell. So he sticks to the guidelines and tries to stick to them harder whenever he is facing difficulties. The harder he works, the more it gives him a sense of security.

Now, however, he feels like someone stole the ground beneath his feet; losing Jonghyun in such a cruel way turned his life upside down, and as if that wasn’t enough, now he has to admit that his feelings for Jimin confuse him to the point where everything is too much, just making him want to curl up into a ball and hibernate for the next 100 years until nobody remembers Kim Jonghyun, Park Jimin, SHINee, or BTS anymore.

For the next few days, ironically, the current mess Taemin is in saves him from going insane, because just when he feels like drowning in one misery, remembering the other misery somehow stabilizes him. One hour before the start of the concert in Osaka, panic spreads in his chest, and he thinks it will be impossible to go out on stage, but then he opens his KaTalk and reads Jimin’s last messages.

 

February 16, 2018

**Jiminie** _09:21am_

I’m sorry hyung.

 

**Me** _11:58pm_

I’m sorry too

 

And in their group chat:

 

February 17, 2018

**Jiminie** _02:38pm_

Fighting, hyung. You can do it.

 

All the memories flood back and distract him from anything else for a solid minute. It’s not a pleasant distraction, because the happy memories sting more than the unhappy ones, but it works. Although stepping on that stage of Osaka Dome will forever be among the most difficult and tense moments in his life, he manages to survive the concert.

Once he is back in Seoul, Taemin almost welcomes the familiar, painful, tormenting void when he thinks about Jjong’s empty spot on stage, because he feels like going crazy from staring at Jimin’s last message for too long.

 

February 19th

**Me** _08:22pm_

Hey there. I’m really sorry. Back in Seoul, can we meet?

 

**Jiminie** _08:55pm_

Me too, I’m so sorry for everything.

 

**Jiminie** _08:57pm_

But I need more time.

 

He realizes with a pang of regret to what extent he ruined things between them — and that he can’t stand feeling like Jimin is slipping through his fingers while he can’t do anything to make him change his mind.

 

******************

 

These days, Jimin can’t keep himself from checking the Internet for reports, fancams and photos from SHINee’s concerts. It hurts in so many ways. Feeling the need to talk to someone, he knocks on Taehyung’s door and flops down beside him on the bed.

“TaeTae, I fucked up. Fucked up really bad.”

He tells him the whole calamity from beginning to end, consoled by the little understanding and encouraging noises Taehyung makes throughout his rant. Jimin feels immeasurable gratitude for having members like Taehyung or Hobi or Namjoon as his closest friends, making him feel less alone and lost with them by his side. That will have to do for now, because he has not only lost a shot at love, but he has destroyed a friendship and probably also his right to remain in their little circle of friends.

Taehyung is good with people, and that’s why Jimin is glad he confided in him. The younger manages to convince him that he shouldn’t give up on the friendships that easily, because he is aware of how much Jimin came to treasure friends like Sungwoon, whom he and Jungkook went to an escape room with just a few days ago.

“Jimin-ah, I’m gonna kick your ass if you don’t continue hanging out with them, and that includes Taemin. Talk to him. You’re both adults. You know better than most people your age that just wishing for something to disappear doesn’t make it disappear; you have to face your problems head on and solve them while getting your hands dirty, although you might not like it.”

The way Taehyung talks like he’s a wise, sophisticated sunbae even though technically he’s Jimin’s junior is hilarious enough to make Jimin giggle. But even though he sounds funny, what Taehyung said is right. Jimin just needs some more time to process things, and the snowstorm in his heart needs to settle a bit more before he can brace himself to follow Taehyung’s advice.

 

************

 

A few days later, Jimin’s phone vibrates while he’s over at BigHit to record some takes of  _ DNA _ in Japanese.

 

February 23, 2018

**Taem** _04:45pm_

I miss you.

 

Jimin plunges into an ocean of confusion, all the attempts of quieting his heart in the last days going to waste instantly. After staring at his phone for five minutes, deliberating whether or not to answer with what comes to his mind immediately, he quickly types and hits send before he can change his mind.

 

**Me** _04:51pm_

I miss you too

 

But he hesitates to type any of the things he wants to say next: “ _ I hate how things turned out. Let us try to fix this, _ ” or “ _ Can you meet me today _ ?”. He just feels too miserable and sad to voice out his thoughts aloud, because he’s afraid that it will only make him more miserable and sad. His phone buzzes again.

 

**Taem** _05:03pm_

I’m sorry, I messed up. Can we talk please?

 

Taemin waits for an answer, a lump forming in his throat. When no answer comes, he swallows hard, clears his voice and dials Jimin’s number. It goes straight to voicemail. There’s no way for Taemin to know that Jimin’s phone is actually switched off because the singer has been called into the recording room, so it’s suddenly difficult for Taemin to breathe, because the feeling of powerlessness is just too familiar. He knows Jimin cares about him, but he helplessly can’t do anything to stop the younger from gravitating out of his reach, just like it was with Jonghyun. He doubles over from pain and cries silently but violently.

After he manages to breathe normally again, Taemin’s phone rings. It’s a blow to his face when he sees it’s not Jimin. Still, he picks up after a few seconds.

“Oh, Kibum-hyung.”

“What’s up, Taem? You busy?”

Key has a fine antenna for sensing the maknae’s mood, so he notices something is wrong. He invites Taemin over for dinner, catching him in a tight hug when he is at his door an hour later.

“Come in. I’m gonna make  [ spaghetti ](https://www.instagram.com/p/BfhssKyDw0p/?taken-by=bumkeyk) with mussels and parsley. While I cook, you can tell me what’s bothering you. You sounded upset earlier.”

The elder knows it will be less burdensome for Taemin to tell him what’s on his mind while Key works and Taemin gathers his thoughts at his own pace, undistracted. He learned that this way it’s easier for the other to open up than sitting face to face over coffee or a meal, it takes the pressure off him.

While Kibum prepares the mussels and lets them simmer in the sauce, he gathers that the question about  _ friends with benefits _ from earlier this month actually concerns BTS’ Park Jimin. As he drops the pasta in boiling water and chops the parsley, he listens to Taemin relate what happened between the two of them and the dead end that they are in right now.

When they sit down to eat, Taemin already seems more animated and relieved, still Key patiently waits for more bits and pieces of information, but once they cease and the two of them eat in silence, it’s his turn to speak bluntly, as usual, but full of fondness.

“You’re really an idiot, Taem.”

“I know, Hyung!”

“He likes you and you like him back. I think you’d be really good for each other, so call him again or camp out in front of his dorm. Do whatever it takes to get him. I really want to see you happy, Taemin-ah. You deserve it.”

“But Hyung, don’t you think I’m a horrible person for thinking about liking someone while we’re all grieving?”

Kibum looks at the younger with sympathy.

“Don’t worry about that, Taemin-ah. If there’s one thing we should all learn is that we should grab each chance at being happy, because life is too short. Don’t worry too much about getting caught either. Just be happy.”

The elder can literally see how his words are sinking in as the maknae nods and looks at him with wide eyes. He hates being sappy, so he quickly returns to his jokester mode.

“And to be honest: the two of you would be an even cuter couple than Taeyang and Min Hyorin or Song Joong Ki and Song Hye Gyo. Ah, I can’t wait to see your wedding!”

The younger cracks up and laughs for the first time this evening. He is aware how much Kibum is into following the coverage of those two celebrity weddings. He feels lighter and less pessimistic now.

“OK, let me try to call him again! Ah, where’s my phone?”

“Don’t tell me you lost it again! Did you leave it in the car? Or maybe at home?”

“Ah, I’m such a dumbass, really! Hyung, thanks for the dinner, but I better get going now and call Jimin.”

“OK, go get him!”

When he gets home, his stupid cell phone waits for him on the shelf next to the door where he must have left it when he put on his shoes. He sees a missed call from Jimin and a text, saying he was sorry, but since he’s recording today, it may be difficult to reach him.

 

**Me** _10:04pm_

No worries. Let me know when you’re finished?

 

**Jiminie** _10:41pm_

OK

 

His phone rings just past midnight and Jimin sounds cautious, tired and hoarse. It’s a blessing to hear his voice nonetheless.

 

_ “Hyung, how are you?” _

“OK, how about you?”

_ “I’m just so sorry, I feel like I ruined everything.” _

“Don’t say that, Jimin-ah. Where are you now? I’ll come pick you up.”

_ “The car is already waiting for me for going back to the dorm. Hyung, let’s meet tomorrow, OK? I can’t really talk right now.” _

“Oh, OK.”

 

Jimin hears the disappointment in Taemin’s voice, but he feels too unprepared to meet the other tonight. His guess is that tomorrow he will feel the same, but at least he won’t be as worn out as right now.

The next day around noon, Jimin repeats the familiar action of slipping into Taemin’s waiting car, but this time the smile he shoots at the other in the driver’s seat is strained and anxious. An awkward silence settles, because both of them have no idea what to say. Luckily, the drive is short, because they reluctantly settled on the less than ideal location of Taemin’s new house, since both at the dorm and at the Lee family home they lack the quiet and privacy they need right now.

Jimin’s mind flashes back to the night they clashed in here when he steps into the apartment. It makes his hands clammy and his already uneasy nerves jittery. He is the first to break the silence with the need to apologize bubbling up inside him urgently.

“Hyung, I’m so sorry, I ruined everything with my silly feelings, I know it was selfish to burden you with them that night.”

The younger looks pitiful during this rushed outburst, and Taemin’s heart clenches in alarm at the depreciative tone.

“No,  _ I’m  _ the one who needs to apologize!”

Taemin takes a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heartbeat and get his thoughts in order before the tumble out his mouth in the wrong order.

“Listen to me, Jimin-ah, OK? Let me finish what I want to say before you say anything, OK?”

Jimin sees the struggle and sincerity in Taemin’s face and silently nods. They sit cross-legged on the floor in front of the floor-to-ceiling window and look at the river, and its gentle flowing helps to soothe the disquietude. As the winter sun warms them, a silent mutuality to mend things settles soothingly.

The younger pays close attention to Taemin’s words. The effort he’s making is obvious in his concentrated expression and the way he’s pausing every now and then to look for the right words. The elder explains how sorry he is for coming onto Jimin in the first place despite knowing fully well that Jimin used to like him. The only excuse he has for his selfishness and ignorance of the difficult spot he put Jimin in is that his mind and heart were too broken for thinking about anything or anyone else beside his own pain.

He goes on to apologize for trying to rile Jimin up so cruelly that night in this very apartment.

“I’ve been such a jerk. You know how you show your ugliest face only to the people closest to you, the people you love the most? Like to family or your members... I don’t want to justify hurting you, I just want you to realize how flawed I am.”

And then Jimin’s eyes go wide in astonishment, because Taemin confesses how he started to feel more than friendship, to feel a flutter of love, but how he stubbornly tried to negate it because he had been afraid of everything this admittance might come crashing down with.

“You know, the night I picked you up after the fanmeeting and took you to the spa, everything felt so perfect. But when I started to think about it later, it just was like an illusion. It felt like I was playing house with you. I didn’t allow myself to consider that small moment of happiness as something real. But now I realized what I felt  _ was _ real.”

Jimin has to bite his lip to keep him from interrupting his hyung. He has to swallow an irrational surge of happiness down when Taemin continues in a cautious, shy tone to lie out his flaws and feelings, because the message Jimin filters out is that there is hope for the two of them.

“I just want you to understand that I’m broken right now and that I don’t know when my heart will be healed enough to properly love again. So I’m not expecting anything from you, because I know I can’t really give you all the love you deserve — fuck, I know you actually deserve much better. So just know that I’m terribly sorry for everything, and I just hope I won’t lose you as a friend, because you really mean a lot to me.”

Now it’s Jimin’s turn to straighten the thoughts jumbling in his mind. The urge to sweep Taemin up in a hug and ask him to be his boyfriend is as strong as it is foolish. Acting on brainless impulses got them into this whole mess, so he wrestles down the mindless urge.

Instead, he says softly and with a gentle, but secure smile, “Hyung, when you love someone, you should always give your love freely, like a present. So I’m not expecting anything in return. Let my own feelings be my own concern. Don’t feel burdened to fulfill any notions...” He adds after a second, “...just let me love you.”

Taemin perks up, a flicker of the first sincere smile of today flickering over his face.

“You’re not seriously gonna start singing Serendipity now, are you?”

It’s the most precious thing on earth to hear a clear, unrestrained giggle rise up from Jimin’s chest. Taemin feels a wave of relief, because with this goofy reference and the familiar small chuckles that follow, they manage to dissipate the last lingering bit of awkwardness between them. This is the true them: all smiles around each other, eager to make the other laugh and quick to crack up at any joke from the other. This is the way it should be between them.

Jimin’s face stays bright when he becomes serious again and asks, “Do we give it a try? I mean, do we give  _ us _ a try?”

“Take it slow?”

Jimin nods, and they look at each other with an affectionate, genuine smile that weighs more than words. This is not an  _ and-they-lived-happily-ever-after _ scenario. It’s no knight sweeping his prince off his feet in a heated kiss scenario. This is them. This is solid, comfortable, and reassuring. Nobody said it’s going to be easy, but Jimin isn’t afraid. He knows both of them are going to make an effort to get things right this time.

It’s not air-headed ecstasy; it’s feather-light joy and hope blanketing them as warm as the rays of sunlight filtering through the window as they get up and hug. They stand looking at the panorama over the Han River with their fingers interlaced for a long time, just content to share this moment and happy with the promise of many more moments like this to come.

  
  
  


Edited by [rmzcharizard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rmzcharizard/pseuds/rmzcharizard/works?fandom_id=1002903)


	9. Epilogue: Drip Drop

 

 

_ I feel comfortable as if I were dreaming _

_ We are dancing as if we were always one _

{ [ Drip Drop ](https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2016/02/taemin-taemin-drip-drop) }

 

 

Jimin punches in the door code for the apartment. It’s late, and he’s dead on his feet from the comeback, but luckily today was the last day of music show promotions, so he’ll be able to sleep in tomorrow. In the dark, he navigates through the furniture that are a curious mix of sleek design and cozy comfortableness, because Taemin picked out some things for the new place with Key and some with his mother. Not that it really matters; what’s more important is that the apartment has become a home to the slowly, carefully budding relationship between Taemin and Jimin.

As he washes up, Jimin’s lips curl into a smile, because he remembers the last time he spent the night here, Taemin said  _ ‘I love you’  _ for the first time, and it still makes his heart flutter warmly all over.

He reminisces how they had taken the promise to  _ take it slow _ quite literally, how without any pressure, things fell into place naturally. For example that one night in March when they were over at Kwonho’s house after a  [ pork BBQ dinner ](https://www.instagram.com/p/Bf-iOFzF9FQ/) and Kwonho went down to the convenience store to get more drinks, leaving Jimin and Taemin behind in a déjà-vu.

They were lounging on the couch when Taemin’s eyes developed a singular gleam as he suddenly grabbed Jimin’s hand and tugged him into the kitchen. Jimin won’t ever forget the moment he realized why his hyung dragged him here, grinning at him wide, anticipating, inviting. It was just like the night when all of this started. Just like that night, the younger took a step closer, a smile blossoming on his face while he intertwined their fingers, this time without a beer can in between them, and he slowly leaned in towards the promising lushness of the other’s lips.

And just like that night, the kiss was heaven, only better. This time it was all that soft and careful, all that tender and sweet, yet there was no sudden ending to it. This time, it was the beginning of many more kisses to come. It was the beginning of spring.

The memory makes Jimin forget his weariness momentarily as he tiptoes into the bedroom and slips into bed. He’s cautious, but he still manages to wake Taemin up, who makes a small, questioning hum as he turns around halfway without opening his eyes. Jimin places a gentle kiss on his lips.

“Sorry for waking you. Go back to sleep, darling.”

“Mmmmh, hi, baby,” the elder hums contently with a tiny smile as Jimin snuggles closer and wraps his arms around him. 

His hyung is the fluffiest, most adorable creature in this world when he is only half awake, Jimin notes to himself. This thought, the cozy heat of the other’s body under the blankets, and the blissful knowledge that Taemin loves him are the perfect lullaby. The only thing that can make Jimin even more happy than he already is is a good night's sleep with the promise of waking up next to the man he loves.

  
  
  
Edited by [rmzcharizard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rmzcharizard/pseuds/rmzcharizard/works?fandom_id=1002903)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! I'm sorry, I can't help to end happy and sappy. 
> 
> A huge THANK YOU!!!! to my amazing and wonderful editor, rmzcharizard, I love you lots! It's been so much fun to write this with your help <3 <3 <3


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